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She shook her head. “If you were gone for a year or twenty, it wouldn’t have mattered. When you leave, you change. And when you come back—you don’t quite fit.”
When they had first devised their plan so long ago, she had thought them two halves of the same piece. Now their edges bumped up against each other, raw and ragged. Her heart twisted, thinking of how young they had been. How naive.
“None of us stay young forever,” Hawthorne said. “You have grown and changed as much as I have.”
She stiffened in her chair. “How can you say that? I have fought to stay the same. I dedicated my life this past decade to safekeeping everything this dukedom stands for.”
“Then you don’t remember who youwere. The memories I have of that bold, passionate woman are as strong as ever. You are cold now. Severe.” He smiled. “You used to be wild.”
Anne was shocked to the core. “My mother would have sooner hidden me away in an attic than married me into a dukedom if she had ever thought me wild.”
“Would a demure young miss plot with me to hoodwink everyone we know into thinking that this was a love match? I never would have chosenher. There was a reason I choseyou. We chose each other.” His eyes burned into her own. “Do you ever feel like we are on a trajectory, bigger than ourselves?”
“Of course. We have a responsibility to those who work for us.”
“But plenty more depend on us to help. People like us, Annie. I cannot stand by any longer and watch the violence, the hatred. I must do something.”
“Doing something may invite more violence,” she said, fear causing the pulse at the base of her throat to throb. It was the same fear that woke within her when she stared too long at a pretty face in public. She was long accustomed to its presence. Her evening with Letty last night made her realize how much she hated it.
“I went with Miss Barrow to an oyster tavern last night,” she said. “She told me it was one frequented by…well, mollies.” It was the first time she had ever said the word aloud and it felt foreign on her lips. And yet, maybe Letty had been right. Maybe talking about these things was the only way to make them feel familiar. Normal. “The night watchmen were there, and they hauled away a man.” She struggled to find words to express herself. “It was abhorrent.”
Hawthorne’s eyes sharpened. “Which establishment?”
“Donovan’s. I believe it was on Piccadilly.”
He scribbled something on a piece of paper and rang the bell for a footman, then gave the note to him with a terse word.
“What are you doing?”
“What do you think I’ve been doing since coming back to London? I’ve greased the palm of plenty of watchmen and jailers. I’ve sent along the promise of a significant payment to release this man with no questions asked.”
“Even our fortune isn’t enough to rescue everyone,” she said softly. How many other men were out there that they didn’t even know of, languishing in a cell? She hated to think of it.
“Nothing will change unless we start to create change. It might take years, decades, or hell—maybe even centuries. But we have to stand with our own. We have to show them that the love we have for our own is decent. Honorable. Meaningful. We can’t hide in the shadows forever.”
“But what if something happens?”
“You and I have the privilege of power. We can hide behind our name, our wealth, our rank, if need be. No one else can afford this risk. No one else can do what we alone can do. Maybe kinghood really is bestowed by divine right. If that’s true, then doesn’t it stand to reason that so does dukedom? Why else could our union be so blessed, if not for us to stand up for who we are?”
“We were not blessed with children,” she said quietly. “That is what is said of us, anyway.”
“That’s not the only blessing, and you know it. We never planned on children. There’s plenty enough in the world already, and my sister’s family is more than willing to take up the mantle of the dukedom. You’ve handled Edward’s education, haven’t you?” His eyes burned into her own once more.
“Of course I did.” How could he even ask? It had always been a matter of utmost importance to them both. “I stuck to the plan. I chose the most liberal of tutors for Edward, and the most free-thinking of governesses for his sisters. I provided the best education that I could think of in order to favor people like us.”
“Good. Those are the people I plan to represent.”
“What do you mean?”
“Isn’t it clear yet why I returned to London?” He cleared his throat and shifted, his posture straightening. Gone was the languid pleasure-seeking man that she had married, and in his place was a hard-eyed determined duke. “I am taking my rightful place in politics and claiming my seat in the House of Lords. I stayed away from England for long enough. Maybe even too long. But I was caught up in my duties there.”
“Duties.” She gave a hollow laugh. “Parties, you mean.”
“Yes, there were parties,” he snapped. “And through them, I created a network across all of Europe and even beyond. Peoplewho learned that they can trust the name Hawthorne. People who came to believe the symbol of this duchy meant protection.” He paced in front of the window, clasping his hands behind his back. “The rules are far less strict in France, but men still risked their necks seeking out companionship if they were in a place that was unfriendly to them,” he said flatly. “If I had not been so flagrantly public myself, creating a place in my estate where other like-minded men knew they could go, I could not have sheltered them under my name and under my roof. Sometimes, secrecy begets greater risk than publicity.”
“You couldn’t turn your back on them,” Anne murmured. Understanding washed over her. It had never been just about his personal desires, his wish to live outside of society’s rules. He had been as committed to his duty as she had been, albeit in a different way. It felt as if the world was tipped on its axis and everything had been shaken upside down.
“It became too much this past year. I knew I could trust you to run things, but I also knew it wasn’t fair to burden you alone with it. I had to come home. To make it right. To rule this dukedom together.”
