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“And?” Jimmy raised his shoulders. “Who gives a flying fuck? You had a job that made you move around all the time, kept you away from your family, and got you shot at.Shot at.” He let out an unsteady breath that sounded suspiciously like he might cry, and he shook his head, leaning his elbows on his knees. “Forgive me for being happy to have you home and not in a box in the ground.”
“I should be happy about being blown up?”
“Yeah.” Jimmy scrubbed at his eyes with the palms of his hands then met Mike’s gaze. “I don’t know if it’s misplaced honor or what, but just because other people are suffering worse than you, doesn’t mean you need to feel bad about it.”
Mike bent forward too, mimicking his brother’s position, trying to hide how close to the truth he’d gotten.
Jimmy went on. “When you got out of the hospital and went back to California, I was really worried about you. I knew how messed up you were, and quite frankly, I never liked Bianca. I think she was one of those women who was only interested in the idea of you because she got to put one of those bumper stickers on her car like,Don’t mess with me. My boyfriend is a Marine.”
Mike jammed the heels of his hands against his eyes as he puffed out an aggravated laugh. Because his brother was exactly right.
“Then when you moved back here after she broke up with you, I thought you were turning a corner, you know? You got the prosthesis, you decided to get certified to train. I was like, man, Mike’s back. But I was wrong.”
Mike dropped his hands yet still couldn’t look his little brother in the eyes.
“You’re lucky to be alive, but it seems to me like you feel bad that you made it out.”
Mike had to swallow three times to clear the dust from his throat, but he couldn’t do anything about the sting of tears in his eyes.
“Maybe you need to go back to counseling. I don’t know. All I know is that the guy who used to be my brother wouldn’t feel so bad for himself. Wouldn’t back down from a challenge.”
After a minute, Mike lifted his head to find Jimmy staring intently at him, and he repeated his reasoning to him. “I can’t be the guy she deserves.”
Jimmy waved his hand. “That’s you feeling bad for yourself again.”
“I’m not—”
“Sam needs someone to love her and be there for her. You don’t want to do that?”
Mike narrowed his eyes. “Being in a relationship is more thanwantingit.”
“Tell me, oh wise one, what else is there?”
“Relationships can’t be one-sided. I can’t ask her to wait around for me to figure my shit out. I’m living in my parents’ basement, for Christ’s sake.” His voice had steadily risen higher, so he was almost yelling, “You think she really wants someone like that?”
“Apparently.” Jimmy threw his arm out toward the steps. “She was out there crying over you, so I’d say so, you fucking potato. Stop making excuses. Sam is not Bianca.”
That took the wind out of Mike’s angry sails, and he dropped his head. “I know she’s not.”
Sam was like no other woman he’d ever been with. She was honest and sweet, smart and funny. It normally took him a while to warm up to people, but not with her. Maybe because they’d known each other since they were kids, or maybe because she had a way of making everyone around her comfortable. Either way, he never felt he had anything to prove to her, like he did other people. Or himself.
“Do you love Sam?” Jimmy asked.
There was no question. “Yes.”
“Do you want to be with her?”
Again. “Yes.”
“Then I don’t understand the problem. Contrary to what you might think, you don’t have to be everyone’s hero all the time. Seems to be a waste of time feeling bad about what you don’t have instead of what you do.” With that, Jimmy stood up and hit Mike’s shoulder. “And you do know Albie works in finance, right? If you’re so worried about spending the rest of your days here with Mom and Dad, why don’t you go talk to him?”
“Albie? Our neighbor?” When Jimmy nodded, Mike tipped his head to the side. “I didn’t know that.”
“Yeah.” Jimmy tossed his hand up over his shoulder as he walked back upstairs. “Next time I see you, I want to hear your plan of attack. Or whatever it is you jarheads say to each other.”
* * *
Sam had stoppedat a motel in Tennessee for a night. Since she loved roller coasters, barbecue, and Dolly Parton, she’d been tempted to check out Dollywood, but her heart wasn’t in it. She didn’t feel like having fun.
