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“You know what I mean. I think it’s good for Cash to have a lot of people around, talking about good times and happy things. And…you’re family, Savannah. That’s all there is to it. You are part of Cash’s family.”
“Not really.”
Twisting slightly, Jackson tucked a finger under her chin and gently forced her to look at him. “You might not be family by blood, but you are the family he chose. The family of his heart. Remember that.”
Her expression was wary. “But…yesterday…you were so mad. And that night on the pier you said…”
He sighed and wanted to kick his own ass for pulling a typical Jackson and speaking without thinking.
“Savannah, I think we’ve established already that I’m kind of a jackass. Ask anyone and they’ll definitely agree.” Pausing, he caressed her cheek. “And I was mad, but not at you. These intense emotions—the anger, specifically—is directed at Cash. I can’t help that, but…over the last several weeks, I’m learning that I can’t change the past and I certainly can’t change what’s happening now with him.”
She hugged him and placed a soft kiss on his jaw.
“We had a really great talk yesterday and…I can’t say I’m at peace with our relationship, but I feel like…I don’t know…I’m getting there. No matter what, there’s always going to be regret and sometimes my anger at him is going to rear its ugly head, but…I think that’s part of life in a parent-child relationship.”
Snuggling closer, she said, “I think that’s an extremely accurate description. I didn’t know my biological parents, but I’ve definitely had anger issues with them. And with my adoptive mom. I mean…she walked away because I was sick. I wasn’t perfect, so that meant she could just leave.”
His heart ached for her and he pulled her even closer. Part of him had to think that it wasn’t only about her and her illness. Clearly there was an issue between her mom and Henry, and Savannah just ended up in the crosshairs.
Unsure of exactly what to say, he simply whispered, “I’m so sorry.”
“I get the anger, Jackson. I do. But…but you really hurt me by making it seem like it was somehow my fault. I didn’t choose Cash. Believe me, in my head, if I could choose my family, it would be to have a mother and father whobothloved and wanted me.” She shrugged. “That’s not to say that I don’t love Cash or that I’m not extremely grateful to him. I don’t look at him through rose-colored glasses either. I’m angry at him for taking his children for granted—for having something so many people would kill for, and he simply threw it away.”
Closing his eyes, he nodded.
“And I’m mad at him for not taking better care of himself. I think there’s always going to be the what-ifs and we can make ourselves crazy thinking like that. I just hate that he didn’t have to have so many of them. He had the perfect life and he didn’t appreciate it. I would never,evertake that for granted.”
That was his opening.
“I can’t give you back the family you lost,” he began solemnly, “but I can give you one that wants you and loves you for you.” Swallowing hard, he continued. “I love you, Savannah. I love you for everything that you are. I love your strength and your fierceness. I love how you give one hundred percent of yourself to people. Over the last month, I have watched the way you handle everything with grace—even when you don’t have to—and how you’re willing to jump in and help wherever it’s needed. You’ve been in situations where I knew you were uncomfortable, and yet you did it all to help a friend. You’re an amazing woman and every time I look at you, I fall more and more in love with you.”
At that moment, you could have heard a pin drop, but then she pulled back slightly and Jackson had no choice but to let her go.
Sitting up, she pushed her hair aside. “Jackson, you don’t know what you’re saying. We barely know each other.”
Mimicking her pose, he sat up. “We’ve spent just about every day together. Believe me, I know you.”
Muttering a curse, she went on. “You know the stuff that Cash told you, and it wasn’t his place to share that.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I know it and it doesn’t change how I feel. I love you.”
Shaking her head, she put even more distance between them. “It’s just…it’s proximity. This is a very emotional time and…and I think you’re just projecting these feeling onto me because of my relationship with Cash. And…”
Reaching out, he grasped her shoulders and forced her to look at him. “Why is it so hard for you to believe how I feel? I think we both know that I say what I mean, Savannah. I’m telling you that I’m in love with you because that’s how I feel. This has nothing to do with Cash; this is about you and me. I felt a connection to you that very first night!”
“I did too,” she countered, “but as soon as you found out who I was, you walked away!”
“I was in shock! Are you telling me you weren’t even the tiniest bit…I don’t know…confused or freaked out when you found out I was his son?”
She didn’t answer right away, but that didn’t stop him from pleading his case.
“Did you honestly think I wouldn’t have a reaction to that news? I mean…look at it from my side. There was a brief moment where I thought I had been hitting on my half-sister, for crying out loud! And on top of that, I find out my dying father was back in town while I was dealing with my own shit with leaving the Marines! I mean…if ever there was a perfect storm to freak out over, I think I was entitled to it!”
“Jackson…”
“I’m a man who isn’t afraid to show my emotions,” he continued. “I laugh when I’m happy and I yell when I’m angry. I can’t say that I cry when I’m sad, but in the last few weeks, I’ve been pretty damn close.” Sighing, he released her. “And I love with all my heart. I fell hard and fast for you, and I’m not afraid to admit that.”
Her shoulders sagged and her expression was a little less guarded. “O-kay…”
