AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Chapter 19 - Ben
After I got over being mad at my brothers for ruining what I had planned for Laurel, I was glad to see them. We’d always been close, and I knew it was only a matter of time before they caught up with me to shake some sense into me. I was worried they would scare Laurel half to death, but she put up with Eli’s teasing, wasn’t outwardly horrified by Will’s heathen kids, and overall fit in seamlessly with everyone.
It was a surprisingly nice evening, despite the absence of the heart and soul of us. I supposed there would always be an empty space without them, but it felt good to be together without being miserable. I thought Dad and Callie would have liked that. They were both such vibrant people, always full of optimism. I knew they would have hated to see the lump of sorrow I’d become. They would have adored Laurel and the fact my brothers seemed to really like her gave me all sorts of feelings I didn’t know what to do with.
Panic being high on the list, because I wished there could be more times like that, all of us together, with Laurel by my side. Which was crazy, because she’d never be interested in living in the city. I had no doubt in my mind that she’d succeed there, because she was brilliant and resourceful. She might even accept if I asked her. But her spirit wouldn’t thrive, and she’d end up hating me.
As much as I wanted to keep hiding out here with her, I knew I had to get back to New York. I couldn’t keep messing with her heart, and I knew my own was in real danger if I kept seeing her.
“You really have to get back to work, don’t you?” she asked, seeming to read my troubled thoughts.
I glanced at her, then back at the road. “I can do a lot from here,” I said.
“But your office is in New York.”
I nodded, knowing what she was getting at but wanting to dodge it all the same. “Have you ever been?”
She shrugged. “No. I wouldn’t mind visiting.” Clearly saying she wouldn’t want to stay.
“I can arrange it. I’ll show you all my favorite places. There’s this—”
“I have two jobs and my climbing,” she interrupted. “I can’t afford to take a vacation right now because I need to buy a car. And please don’t say you’ll pay for everything.”
I gripped the steering wheel. “I don’t want to give you up,” I admitted. She only nodded, keeping her head turned away. “I’m willing to try long distance,” I said, not caring that it sounded like pleading.
I heard her swallow. “That never works.”
We lapsed into silence. This didn’t have to be over yet, did it? Could I selfishly draw it out until the very last minute? When I pulled into her driveway, I reached for her hand and kissed it. She turned it and rested her palm against my cheek for a moment. I felt bereft when she let it slide away.
“Sorry they busted up our night,” I said.
“No, they’re great. I had a nice time.” She looked out the windshield, a wistful smile on her face. “Will you go back with them when they leave?”
I flinched, wondering if she was still angling to do her stunt. I could feel her eyes on me and when I turned, they sparkled with unshed tears. I knew she didn’t care about that anymore, and suddenly I only wanted to make her happy in any way that I could.
“Probably,” I said. Maybe I’d stay a few more days after I kicked them out. I still wanted to take more pictures and the mountain air was at least partly responsible for reviving me. It was mostly Laurel, but I’d take what healing I could get before I was back surrounded by concrete. “Listen, Laurel,” I continued, turning to her fully. “Go ahead and do your stunt. I don’t want to know anything about it, but I recognize after seeing you climb today that you know what you’re doing.”
Instead of grinning and throwing her arms around me, she slumped against the seat. She breathed in hard and then let it slowly out, finally reaching for the door handle.
“Oh, okay. Thanks, Ben.”
She slipped out and hurried to her front door, disappearing inside. I was stunned. Was this it? Not even a last kiss goodbye? I was halfway out to go pound on the door, but stopped. There wasn’t any point in dragging it out and we’d most likely end up in her bed. That thought alone made me almost do it. My chest ached and I rubbed at it, missing the light feeling that had returned, thanks to her.
She was a double edged sword and I knew I couldn’t take any more cuts.
