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There's a look I can't decipher in his eyes, before he cocks his head, crossing his arms over his chest. “Are you sure about that?”
I stare at him, hearing his words over and over as if there were some hidden message in them I should try to figure out, but I quickly shake my head at the absurdity of that. He was obviously trying to make me feel better, but I still can't get his words out of my mind, even when a clang echoes throughout the space as Travis and Malcom come walking in with eager smiles and happy greetings.
Malcom is dressed in his usual polo, and Travis is dressed in a tight black T-shirt with the logo and his long hair tucked behind his ears. They approach the bar and greet Danny with a smile, Travis stealing a handful of nuts placed on the bar for customers, to which Danny attempts to whip him with the towel over his shoulder, reprimanding him with a laugh.
There's something so foreign about this, how the boys interact with Danny and how he is with the boys and with myself. He takes care of us, and we look out for him. It's how I imagine a family to be, but it was never mine.
I stand watching them and smiling at the interaction, and I see Malcom’s eyes light up when he sees me. “Mia! You’re here early.”
Malcom hops over and leans on the bar in front of me, Travis following him with a smile, winking at me playfully. “Lucky us. More time with you.”
“Boys,” Danny warns, but I just smile, because over my time here, I’ve noticed that they flirt with any girl that walks, or at least Travis does. Malcom is just nice to everyone, and they have been nothing but nice to me, almost protective.
My mind flashes back to a time a guy had grabbed my arm when retrieving his drink from me and Travis had almost broken the guy's wrist, and every time I go to take the trash out back, Malcom is there to give me a hand, but I know he’s just making sure it’s safe out there. Danny always checks in to see if I’m okay and Riley… when we are on shift together, I can feel his eyes on me the whole shift, ever since that first day, he is keeping an eye on me.
I’ve never felt safer than I have in this place with these boys, who have become almost like a second family to me.
We are just about to open, and the boys are doing the rounds, making sure everything is ready to go while Danny and I check over the bar and our stock. I’m checking over what we have, when Danny suddenly asks me, coming up beside me. “So how have you been doing?”
I blink, unsure of what he means, when he clarifies with saddened eyes. “Your parents.”
I nod, understanding, as my mind flashes back to them and the absence of them. “Yeah, I’m okay. It helps to keep busy.”
Danny cocks his head. “Were you close?”
I consider lying, telling them that I had the best parents because isn’t that what you do when you lose someone? They get excused from anything bad they had done and become saints.
But I can’t make the lie come out, not to Danny and these boys. The way Danny is looking at me makes me want to open up, talk to him like I wished I could talk to my own parents when they were alive.
So without hesitation, I give an honest answer. “No. They had their world, and I had mine.”
He furrows his brow. “What do you mean?”
I think of a way to explain it. “I could never really talk to my parents. They were not the listening kind.”
Danny nods. “Not many parents are.”
I wince, regretting my words instantly, wondering what Danny might think of me. “I shouldn’t speak ill of the dead.”
He shrugs, not the reaction I was expecting. “True, but is it a lie?”
I think for a moment, wondering how to answer that question, but I already know. I sigh. “They weren’t the worst parents, but I’m not sure they knew how to be… parents, I mean.”
At that, Danny chuckles. “Not many parents do. I swear, some people should have to take a test before they can have a kid.” He pauses, giving me a long, thoughtful look. “They might not have been the best parents, but it’s okay if you still miss them. They were still your parents after all.”
I open a door I don't want to acknowledge, allowing my desire for my mother’s approval to filter through, my craving for kind, fatherly words. I never got either, but I still tried. I acted like I didn’t care, but I still tried. I sigh again, looking down at the boots on my feet. “I wanted them to love me and accept me like parents should, but now they never will.”
I bite my lip to suppress the tears threatening to come as Danny moves to stand before me. Placing both hands on my shoulders, as if to steady me, he forces me to meet his eyes, giving me a serious expression as he says each word carefully and clearly. “I’m sure your parents loved you, but maybe they were unsure of how to express it.” He gives my shoulder a squeeze and his eyes start to soften in the fatherly way they do. “They’d be crazy not to.” He shakes his head to himself before giving me a smile. “I wanted a daughter, you know. One to look out for and protect, and I’d be damn lucky if I had a daughter like you, so I can promise you that your parents loved you.”
This time, I bite my lip so hard, I worry I may be bleeding, trying to suppress the tears as I feel the ache in my chest at hearing the words I’ve been screaming for, but they are not from my father.
Instead, they are from a man that has started to care for me like a father should, which only makes the ache grow at what I have lost over the past month and what I have gained. I let my eyes wander over to the boys gathered around the tables, goofing around with big smiles.
In losing my parents, I may have found something I had been searching for all along… a home.
My chest starts to soften at the idea as I return my eyes to Danny and smile. “Why didn’t you have a child?”
I only realise after I had asked that I shouldn’t have as the sadness starts to take over Danny’s face again and he drops his hands on my shoulders, but before I can apologise, he answers, “My wife and I tried, but then she got sick, and you know the rest.” He looks over at the boys and gives a small smile. “I wanted a big family with a lot of kids. We both did.” He runs a hand through his hair, sighing. “I never planned on taking in kids, but each of these boys was lost and in need of something, so I figured it’s probably best that I take them in rather than something bad like a gang. These boys are my boys.” He turns his smile to me, and I return his smile with one of my own.
