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Chapter Fifty
How do Idescribe my reaction at seeing my erstwhile lover standing next to my father’s new wife, to hear her introduce the man I knew as Roger McAdams as her son, Andrew?
To say I was shocked would be a gross understatement. To say I was stunned would be only marginally more accurate. To say I thought my head was about to explode would be edging closer to the truth, although even that overwrought, overworked expression fails to capture the enormity of the feelings, not to mention the confusion, that I was experiencing.
I felt dizzy, faint, light-headed, sick to my stomach, as if I’d stepped into an alternate reality, and there was no way of returning to the one I’d always known. I simply couldn’t process what my ears were hearing, what my eyes were seeing.
This can’t be happening,I thought. My mind was playing cruel tricks, my lingering guilt over my brief affair making me imagine things that weren’t there. I actually entertained the idea that I might be having a stroke.I have to be mistaken.
Except I wasn’t. And I knew it.
What does it mean?
“Wow,” Tracy said, her words propelling me back into my body. “I didn’t even know she had a son. Did you?”
I watched Elyse introduce the man I knew as Roger to my father, saw the two men shake hands and exchange pleasantries.
What’s happening?
“Did you?” Tracy asked again.
“Did I what?”
Tracy rolled her eyes. “Did you know she had a son?”
“Yes,” I mumbled, remembering that Elyse had mentioned a son named Andrew who lived in Los Angeles during our first meeting.
“How come you never told me?”
“What?”
“What do you mean, what? What’s the matter with you?” Tracy asked.
“What?” I said again.
“Are you all right? You’re acting really weird.”
“Jodi?” Harrison asked. “Is everything okay?”
“Of course.” I tried to smile, but stopped when I felt my lips start to tremble. “Sorry. I got a little dizzy there for a second. Probably too much champagne.”
“You always were a cheap drunk,” Harrison said, giving my waist an affectionate squeeze. “Does this mean I might get lucky tonight?”
Oh, God,I thought.Why do you have to be so sweet all of a sudden?I felt another stab of guilt. The past month had seen a definite improvement in our marriage. Harrison had been more attentive, less critical, more loving, than he had been in a long time. I was fairly certain that we’d made love more in the last four weeks than in the last four months combined. I assumed it was because he was feeling less stressed, more confident, about his manuscript, his career, his future. But maybe he’d felt the invisible presence of another man hovering, maybe he’d sensed he was losing me.
I confess that there were times I’d found thoughts of Rogerfilling my head, but I’d worked hard to keep them at bay, refusing to let them linger. There was so much more going on in my life, more urgent things to deal with. The fact that Roger hadn’t even tried to contact me had made it a little easier. While I told myself that this was admirable—he was keeping the promise he made to me, trying not to complicate my life—I confess to being a little hurt. I was always half-expecting him to phone, to see him pop his head inside my office door.
And now, here he was.
Except he wasn’t Roger.
He was Andrew.
Elyse’s son.
Which meant…what?
My mind was racing, one question banging up against another, their answers no less confusing. Could this be a coincidence? No, impossible. An accident? That made no sense whatsoever.
