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At first, she’d tried defending herself, but that only seemed to enrage him more. His open palm became a closed fist, his blows carefully aimed where the bruises wouldn’t show. Eventually, he stopped crying, apologizing, promising, and transferred the tears, the apologies, and the promises to do better onto her. He stopped caring where his blows landed. She started rationalizing, deferring, walking on eggshells, afraid to say anything in case what she said might set him off.
Worse, she started accepting the blame. It was her fault that he felt compelled to lash out.
The periods of rage would be followed by weeks, even months, when Nick was the way the rest of the world viewed him: loving, compassionate, kind. During those times, Dani fooled herself into believing that the worst was behind them, that her husband was a changed man, that the beatings would stop. He loved her after all; she loved him. Their love had created two beautiful young boys.
And then the cycle would begin again.
First came the criticism: She could do nothing right. She was either a neglectful mother for going back to work within months of giving birth, or she was smothering her sons with her constant coddling, turning them into sissies; she was either too subservient or too willful; a penny pincher or a spendthrift; too ambitious or too lazy; too smart for her own good or too stupid to live; too friendly or too standoffish. Whatever she was, she was either too much of it or not enough.
Next came the excuses: He was exhausted. Emotionally drained. All he needed when he got home was a little peace and quiet. Was that really too much to ask?
Then came the blame: She was never satisfied. She could never leave things alone. She always had to be right. She was constantly at him about something, contradicting him in front of their sons, questioning his decisions, undermining his authority, pushing his buttons.
Next came the fury.
And finally, the fists.
Too late Dani understands that Nick is never going to change. If anything, the beatings have been occurring more frequently and getting progressively worse. Fear has replaced the love she once felt. She knows she should leave, but she no longer has the strength. She is as useless as he claims.
She knows it’s only a matter of time before he kills her.
