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“Zadie? Zadie? Honey, are you there?”
Tears dripped down my cheeks. Oh god, what had he done to himself? Even if he got the help he needed, he’d never ever be the same.
The phone was taken from me, then Amir was in front of me, crouching down, wiping the tears from my face. He spoke to my mom, telling her I was okay, he had me, listening to her for a minute before he said goodbye.
He placed the phone on my nightstand, then urged me to lie down. He stretched out next to me, pulling me into his arms. I didn’t know what this meant, why he was here, but my thoughts were too filled with the tragedy that was Drew to try to figure it out.
Amir stroked my hair and held me. He didn’t speak or rush me. He gave me exactly what I needed.
And I thought, this was what Helen and Elena didn’t see. They didn’t know he could be like this. I loved that this side of him was solely mine, but a little part of me wished they could see so they would understand.
“I’m okay.” I lifted my head from his chest, taking in his tired eyes and the frown lines around his mouth. “It isn’t Drew.”
He barely moved, only the slightest tip of his chin. “Felicity told me. Fucking awful.”
“Yeah.” Shuddering, I let my gaze trail over his unhappy face again. “What are you doing here?”
His frown deepened. “Did you think I’d really stay away?”
“I hoped you wouldn’t, but I wouldn’t have blamed you.”
He pushed my curls off my face and cupped my jaw. “I was so…” His jaw clenched and unclenched. “I was going to say angry, but that’s not it. Disappointed is more what I felt.”
I flattened my palm over his heart. “I understand.”
“You don’t.” He rubbed his thumb along the underside of my mouth. “I was disappointed because of my ego. Once I had some space, gave myself a chance to really take in what you’d said, I got pissed.” When I opened my mouth to apologize once again, he pressed a finger over my lips. “I got pissed at myself for walking away from you the first time. For saying ugly shit to you I didn’t mean because you called me out on something I wasn’t proud of.”
“You mean telling Reno where Helen was?”
His eyelids lowered. “Mmhmm. I told him that to appease him. So he didn’t go apeshit and make good on all his threats. I was stupid not to think he’d go there. And maybe I didn’t give enough of a shit about what would happen if he did. So, when you, the pretty, sweet, sexy as hell little angel, called me out, I reacted because you were right. And I. Did. Not. Like. That.”
“And now?”
“And now, I’m gonna say thank you for pushing me. You looked past the ugly I showed you. I don’t know why, but I’m not gonna question it because I don’t want you rethinking me.” He pushed the strap of my tank top down and pulled me close to touch his lips to my shoulder. “You were never with that asshole?”
I shook my head. “I told you I wasn’t. I heard him talking about your brother’s parties and I suggested he take me. I thought you would probably be there.”
Amir’s frown shattered and re-formed as a grin. Low laughs vibrated his chest. “You really are devious, aren’t you, mama? I like that you have that in you.”
“I don’t know about that. I’m just lucky my very poorly thought-out plan worked out.”
He took my face in both hands. “You thought I didn’t want you, but Icouldn’twant you. Not after I left you in your bed. Do you see that? You’re still too good for me, but I’m way too weak to give you up now.”
Grabbing his hand, I brought it to my mouth and bit down hard on his fingertip. He stared at me, nostrils flaring, but he didn’t jerk away. “Stop saying you’re not good enough. You’re insulting me because I chose you.”
His mouth quirked. “No one’s perfect. You’re close, but you have fucking terrible taste in men. You said yourself you like guys who will likely wind up in jail.”
I snarled at him. “Please don’t joke about that.”
“What? That I might end up in jail? You know what I do.”
“I do. I just don’t know why you do it. I thought I did, but I was wrong.”
His brows pulled together. “What’s that mean?”
“It means I naively thought you were like Helen. Doing what needed to be done to rise above what you were born into. But that isn’t you. Helen told me. She told me who your parents are. I don’t know why I never asked you about them. I guess I thought you’d tell me if you wanted to.”
His jaw hardened. “I wouldn’t have. I don’t talk about them.”
