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It was sweet and desperate, and pulled me over with her. Shoving my face in her neck, I groaned as I filled her inner walls. Her arms and legs were around me. I slid my arms under her and rolled us to the side so I could hold her without crushing her.
Neither of us said a word. Something had happened there. I wasn’t sure what or if it was good or bad. For now, I held Elena until her shaking stopped, and then, because maybe I still needed it, I held her for a little longer.
My back was against the headboard when Elena came out of the bathroom. She’d scrubbed her face and slipped into one of my shirts. It was late, time to sleep, but it didn’t look like that was what was on her mind.
She sat down facing me, crisscrossing her legs. “I’m going to tell you something. I don’t want it to be a big thing, but I know you’re probably wondering about why I freaked out a little.”
I straightened, leaning forward. “I’d like to know so I don't do something you don’t like again.”
“Well, that’s because you’re the best. Honestly, the best. You know you’re the only man who’s made me come.”
I blinked. “What the fuck? No. How can that be?”
“That wasn’t even what I wanted to tell you.” She shook her head like that wasn’t a massive fucking deal. Damn, men had been failing this girl. “Again, I don’t want this to be a big thing.”
“Whatever you say can be as big or small as you want.”
The breath she inhaled was shallow and ragged. Her eyes were on a spot over my shoulder. My gut sank. This was going to be a big thing. Something I didn’t want to hear. Nevertheless, I would listen as intently as possible.
“A little over two years ago, my ex-boyfriend—we’d been broken up for about nine or ten months by then—took me out to dinner before we went away to college. It was a mistake. We didn’t have anything to say to each other. Nate taunted me about all the girls he’d banged after he’d dumped me, that sort of thing. I didn’t care, which I guess was what made him mad. I don’t know. It doesn’t matter.”
She flicked the thought away with her hand and took another, slightly deeper breath.
“After dinner, he pinned me down in the back of his car and raped me. He drove me home when he was finished, kissed me on the forehead, and told me to have fun at Berkeley. So, that’s why I freaked out about my hands being pinned. I didn’t know I’d be triggered, but I was already off tonight—”
“I’m sorry.” I dug my fingers through my hair, remorse and guilt cramming into every one of my empty crevices. “Shit, I’m sorry, Ellie. I’ve been really rough with you—”
She touched my knee. “Stop it right now.” Wrath lashed her words. “If you treat me like I’m damaged, I’llfeeldamaged. I can come with you because I know you want me more than your next breath. You want me, and you want me to find the same pleasure you do. My body isn’t a commodity when we’re having sex. It’s just us, taking and giving. If that stops, if you’re afraid to take what I’m freely offering you, I might as well go lie down with Nate’s corpse, because he’ll have ruined me.”
She had me spinning again. This time, it was like a fucking fun house where everything was warped, and I wassick. Sick for her. Sick she went through that. Sick something I’d done tonight had brought her back to that place.
“I’m hearing you.” Reaching out, I gripped her chin, bringing her eyes to mine. “I don’t know the right thing to say.”
“Say you won’t treat me like glass.”
“I won’t treat you like glass.” I rubbed at my chest. “You have to give me a minute to process this utter fury. I don’t know what the fuck to do with it. This guy is dead, right? Like, really fucking dead?”
That brought a short laugh out of her. Her fingers wrapped around my wrist, drawing my hand from her chin to her cheek. She leaned into my palm, letting her eyes drift shut.
“He’s really fucking dead. I killed him.”
I jerked forward. “What?”
Her eyes snapped open. “Thanksgiving break, I went to theTfor a milkshake. Nate was there with a girl—the girl from the leaky house, Sera—and something in me snapped. I went to their booth, told the girl her date was a rapist, dumped my shake on Nate, and booked it out of there.”
“You don’t like going to theT.”
That was why she’d been leaning into Pen. Fuck, if she’d told me, I would’ve gotten her out of there. As it was, she’d never set foot in that diner again. I’d burn it the fuck down if she asked.
“I don’t like theT.” She closed her eyes again. “I got in my car. Nate followed me in his. He chased me. It was raining that night. It never rains, but it was that night. He was driving so crazy. I didn’t know what he’d do if he caught me, but I was terrified. I’m not a girl who gets scared like that, but Nate had that effect on me.”
Raining… Thanksgiving break…Something was hitting me.
“Did he crash into a boulder? Was he driving a white Mercedes? Nate Bergen?” I asked.
Her eyes were on me again, the space between her brows pinched as she frowned. “Did you read the articles?”
“Why do you think you killed him?”
