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“I know it is. I’m only admitting this so when I tell you not to thank me, you’ll understand why. I’m not a good man, but I’ll be unfailingly good to you. You might not understand my actions, but I’m always thinkin’ of how to make your life better.”
If I thought too much about the magnitude of what he was admitting and everything that had been revealed, I’d have to leap out of this bed and scream the walls down. This was too big, too much, too everything.
If he was in a truth-telling mood, I’d ask more questions. If nothing else, I’d leave today behind with answers to everything I’d wondered.
“Why were you angry about my student loans?”
He exhaled through his nose, heating my skin. “Jenny got fifty grand for widows of fallen officers, yeah?”
I knew why he was asking immediately. “That was you?”
“I didn’t anticipate her not helpin’ you. I made a mistake.”
“She did help me. Not with tuition, but with Ez. She was able to cut her hours down at her job so she could watch him while I was in class. That money was huge for us.”
I felt him relax. “I would’ve given more.” His fingers stroked my stomach, tracing the curve he couldn’t seem to get enough of. “Didn’t have it at the time. I gave you everything I could. I’ve got a lot more now. It’s yours. Say the word, and all that I am is yours.”
“I don’t want your money, Callum. I just want—” I clamped down on my lip.
“Me? Us?”
That was what I would have said yesterday. Right now? I wanted yesterday back.
I twisted my head, then my body. No more speaking to the ether. I needed to see his face while he whispered his crazy.
“It doesn’t matter what I want. You manipulated me and my situation, and now you’ve broken into my home when I asked you for space. I’m not okay with any of that. I missed you for three and a half years, and you’ve been there the whole time...and that kills me. Maybe even more than Auntie Jackie and Mr. Sulaimani. I don’t know, I don’t know. I can’t make sense of it. This isn’t good. It’s not right.”
“The job too.” His thumb traced my bottom lip.
“What?”
“Helped you get your job too.”
My eyes fell shut. Maybe I didn’t want to see his crazy. “Callum, you can’t do things like that. You can’t be here, you can’t watch me, you can’t!”
“Why? Because you think you’re not supposed to like what I’ve done, or because you really believe it? I didn’t harm you. I’d cut off my limbs before I ever hurt you. I’ve been helpin’ you and watchin’ over you. I gave you the distance I thought you wanted while keepin’ you safe.”
“Callum…” I groaned, suddenly exhausted and even more jumbled than I’d been before.
“I love you, Wren. It might be a psycho kind of love, but it’s pure and it’s true.”
“What if I don’t want a psycho kind of love?” I squeezed out.
“The thing with this kind of love is you really don’t get a choice. It’s yours.”
I laid my head on his shoulder, not because I’d forgiven him or lost my anger, but because I was spent and there had never been a place I’d felt safer than in his arms. Even now.
“I can’t talk anymore.”
“Sleep, Little Bird.” He pulled me into his chest, laying his head on mine.
“You need to go.”
“Not goin’.”
“I’m very, very angry with you.”
“I know. I’m still not goin’. I gave you space today, but that’s done. You sleep. I’ll keep talkin’ to you when you’re rested. Tell you more. Explain it all. But I’m not goin’, so you need to stop askin’.”
“This isn’t okay,” I whispered.
“I’ll make it so it is.”
I believed he would be relentless in his pursuit to make it so.
Sleep shouldn’t have come so easily, but I’d spent the day with my mind whirring and my heart cracking. The emotional dervish that was Callum Rose had exhausted me to my bones. And dammit, my body slotted against his far too perfectly to even pretend to deny.
I closed my eyes. Callum kissed my head. I fell asleep.
