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I drew my knees up under my quivering chin. It was early spring, and although sometimes that could mean snow, today was beautiful. Sunny and warm enough to be out in a light jacket. My shaking wasn’t from the weather. It was from the fear I’d just put into words.
“Tali…” My name sounded like a lament. Like he was in pain. Like I’d been the one to hurt him. “Jesus Christ, baby. You don’t know what hearing you say shit like that does to me. I’ll doanythingto have that with you.”
“We’ll get there. Although, you’re going to look distinguished with your grey hair, while I’ll look like a witch.”
He sang the chorus to “Witchy Woman,” warming me down to my toes.
“Where are you?” I asked.
“At the apartment. We were at the studio until three in the morning, and then back again at ten. The boys looked like the walking dead, so I threw in the towel. We’re all catching up on sleep the rest of the day.”
“Not going out?”
“Even if I wanted to, I can’t summon the energy. I’d rather sit my ass at home and talk to my girl.”
I wished I was there so I could look him in the eye and believe every word he said. I wanted that more than anything.
“Will you talk to me while I walk to Gamelan ensemble?”
“Of course. I love that you’re still doing that.”
Jude’s voice had softened. The thickness had cleared. He sounded like my Jude again. Not agitated or angry. It was then that I believed we’d really be okay. He was still himself—not the sum of a few bad decisions.
“I love it. It’s the only thing I’ve ever been able to play. Sadly, I don’t think I’ll ever be asked to join a rock band playing my Gamelan instruments, but a girl can dream.”
We talked for my entire mile-long walk across campus to the music building. Not about anything important orbig. We made each other laugh, and by the time I saw Ben leaning by the door, waiting for me, I longed for Jude, but not in a way that made me sad. My mood and heart were lighter than they’d been in a while.
I smiled at Ben and held out the phone. “Say hi to Jude.”
He smiled back at me and leaned toward the proffered phone. “Hi, Jude.”
I held the phone to my ear again. “Did you hear that?”
He chuckled. “I did. Hi back to Benny. Guess you have to go?”
“I do. Call me tonight?”
“I will. I love you so fucking much, Tali. You know that, right?”
Flushed with emotion, I turned away from Ben, cupping my hand over my mouth and the phone. “I know. I love you too.”
We said our goodbyes, then I turned back to Ben.
“Everything good?” he asked.
Taking a long breath, I nodded. “Yes. Everything’s perfect.”
