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I pushed to the edge of the bed, planting my feet on the ground. “You scared the hell out of me last night, Jude. I can’t do that again.”
He came forward, dropping to his knees in front of me so our eyes were level. “Tali, let me have a chance to make it right. Whatever ‘right’ looks like to you, I’ll do it. I’ll fix it.”
My hand dropped down to the side of his head, combing through his shaggy hair. A powerful need to protect him, to take care of him, surged through me.
I pushed it down.
Jude should have been the one to take care of me, to protect me. Instead, he’d been the one to endanger me. He’d nearly drowned me, then beat the shit out of our friend, and betrayed me on a level I had not been prepared for.
“I don’t know how to fix this. I don’t even know what’s wrong. I mean, do you need to go to rehab? You’ve hidden this from me so well, I don’t know the extent of your habit, and I’m not sure I’ll even believe you if you tell me now.”
He leaned into my hand, eyes squeezed shut. “I’m not an addict, Stripes. I swear to god I’m not.”
I brought my other hand up to touch his face as tenderly as my heart felt. “You couldn’t even get through one night without getting high. You knew I’d be able to tell, but you did it anyway. Baby, if that’s not an addict, then what is?”
We were both crying, both leaning on each other. Jude’s arms wrapped around my middle in a desperate, sad embrace.
“I feel so fucking weak right now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”
More tears trailed down my cheeks. “I don’t know either. You have everything, Jude. I’ve been here, waiting for you. All I want is to be with you. That’sall.”
He straightened, his palms sliding up my arms to my face. “I’ll get help. I’ll go to rehab. Shit, I don’t know. All I want is you, baby. I hate the way I touched you last night. I fuckingrevereyou, and I treated you like an object. I’m just so sorry, Tali.”
I wanted to forgive him. If he got help, if he really committed to stopping the drugs, I would. I loved him too much for this to be the end of us. It couldn’t be.
“I think we can be okay.”
My mouth found his, and we kissed through tears, pushing last night away. In some ways, it felt like a goodbye, but in others, it felt like a new beginning.
We shed our clothes like old skin. Our shape had changed too drastically to be confined by cotton and denim. We were something new, something shaky, but hopeful.
Jude’s warm lips latched onto my breast, pulling me higher and higher. The same hands that had been so rough last night were now smooth and knowing, touching me with love and desire instead of madness and possession.
He slid inside me while he held my hands above my head. His hazel eyes clung to mine as he moved. We were two battered ships, moored together in a storm. Rocking, drifting, pulling away only to be yanked back in.
“I love you so damn much,” he rasped. “I’ll do anything for you.”
Against his lips, I answered him. “I love you too, Jude. All I need is you.”
He plunged deeper, making me throb and moan. We were so good together. How could he need some chemical fucking with his brain when he could have this? He gave me the highest of highs, and his love was the cushion that caught me when I came down.
Jude made love to me until we were sweaty and limp, covered in each other. He stayed between my legs even after we both came. He stayed inside me, still hard, planted deep.
“We should get up. I need to check on Nina.” I meant it, but I didn’t move. Didn’t want to. Not with Jude in my favorite place.
He burrowed his face against my neck and slid his arms between my back and the mattress, holding me tight against his chest.
“I should check on Ben.”
I nodded next to his head. “Yeah.”
He backed out of me, but stayed on top of me, hovering. “He can’t live here anymore. You know that, right?”
I nodded again. “I know. I just...I hope you know he’sneveronce done anything like he did yesterday. He’s never touched me or hinted at wanting to. He’s been my friend for nearly two years, and I don’t know what happened or why he chose to act like that. I hate that he did.”
He stroked my face with gentle fingers. “I hate that he did too. He’s been my brother since before I knew the meaning of the word. But I won’t stand for him touching you.”
We dressed, and although it was hard to separate, even for a few minutes, at my door, Jude went in the direction of Ben’s room, and I went toward the stairs to find Nina.
