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I got halfway down when I was stopped cold by a wail so pained, it imprinted on my soul. I would never forget that sound for as long as I lived.
“Tali,” Jude shouted. “Call an ambulance. Call a fucking ambulance!”
My phone was already in my hand. I’d already dialed 911 when I found Jude in Ben’s room, leaning over his bed.
“Is he sick? What should I tell them?”
Once I saw Ben’s still face and blue lips, it was clear he wasn’t sick. Shudders racked through Jude as he kneeled next to his oldest friend, pressing his hands to his chest.
Tino came skidding into the room as I spoke to the emergency operator. Nina and Juan quickly followed.
“Shit!” cried Tino. “What did you do, Benny? What did you do?”
“He couldn’t have done this—” Nina’s words broke off, her focus on the bedside table. My phone fell from my hands at the sight of the dozens of empty pill bottles lining it in such an orderly fashion, it was obscene.
“There’s a note,” Juan whispered.
“No! No, no, no, there’s no note. This isn’t happening,” Jude rasped.
Tino laid his hand on Jude’s shoulder, the other touching Ben’s face. “He’s cold, baby. He’s gone.”
Painful sobs wrenched from Jude’s throat. Tino knelt next to him, holding him through each racking cry. Somewhere in the recesses of my mind, I knew I should have been the one in that position, but I couldn’t get my feet to move.
Nina picked up the paper between two fingers. “I’m not going to read it. But maybe someone should, before the ambulance gets here? Just in case there’s something in it his parents shouldn’t see?”
She brought it to me, and I took it even though the last thing I wanted to do was read Ben’s last words.
I did anyway. I had to know.
Dear Tali, Tino, and Jude,
I can’t do it anymore. I’m causing too much harm by being here. This isn’t a hasty decision. I’ve been thinking about this for a long time. Please don’t think the events of last night led me to this. They were only the last nail in my coffin.
I’ve been addicted to Oxy for over a year now. I’ve tried to kick it. I’ve tried and tried, but it’s got a hold on me. Claws sunken deep, and they won’t let go.
The truth is, I should have died years ago. Jude saved me, but my time has been borrowed since then. I’ve known it down to my bones.
I love all of you. Tino and Tali, living with you has kept me half-sane and alive this last year.
Jude, you’ll always be my brother. You’re the boy with all the gifts, so take care of them. We left on bad terms last night, but that’s not what I’m remembering right now. It won’t be what I remember when I take my last breaths, I promise you.
I’m sorry to put you in this position. I hate myself for it. But I’m ready. Taking another breath is too much. I can’t be here. You’ll see, it’ll be okay. You have each other, and that’s all you need.
Love,
Benny
“There’s another note addressed to his family. This one is just for us,” Tino said.
My voice had evaporated, but inside, I was screaming. How dare he? How could he leave us like this? We were already splintered, and he just broken us. His note might have been pretty, but his actions were ugly.
He kissed me.
Told Jude he loved me.
Let Jude beat him to a pulp.
Fucked Nina’s girlfriend.
