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My head had been filled with Tali Stripes DiPietro ever since. When I got the invite to the club tonight, I’d jumped at it. Even if I only got the chance to take another look at her, that would be enough. Because before I saw her at Shine, I hadn’t realized I’d been starving for her. That morsel of Tali I got that day had filled a hollow part of me. The high of seeing her had been brief, but holy hell, had it been euphoric.
Sev and Jeremy were in the VIP area, a floor above the main bar and dancefloor. They weren’t alone, but being alone was rare these days. There were a hell of a lot of people I’d never seen before on the velvet benches they occupied—mostly women, but a few guys—our manager, Ari, and a couple execs from Shine.
Jin greeted the boys, giving them both hugs, although there was no love lost between him and Seven. Then again, no one really liked Seven. Jeremy and I tolerated his ass because we were tied with him contractually, but we hadn’t been friends in a while.
The one positive thing the guy had going was a steady supply of blow and his willingness to share.
He started to lay out a line for me when Ari smacked his arm. “Go somewhere private, you idiot. Every single person in this place has a camera on their phone and they will not hesitate to record you. You need to stick poison up your nose, go to the bathroom.” He shook his head. “Jesus, I feel like I’m in a bad eighties Wall Street movie.”
Jin patted my shoulder. “How about a drink instead?”
I nodded. “Order me one. I’ll be right back.”
Palming the vial containing my night of happiness, I stepped into the private bathroom. Doing shit like this used to scare me. Inhaling cocaine directly up my nose on a regular basis had been such a foreign idea, I’d have laughed if anyone had told me one day I’d be so comfortable doing it, I’d carry around my own metal tube for such occasions. I’d ordered it on fucking Amazon, and got to pick out my favorite color—one in blue and one in red.
Bracing my hands on the counter, I stared at my reflection in the mirror, waiting for the rush I lived for. I barely recognized myself, and not just my skeletal face. I didn’t knowme. Who the fuck was I?
I came to this club to see Tali, yet here I was, getting high in the bathroom. If she showed up, she’d want nothing to do with me, not in this shape.
This was self-sabotage 101.
Why was I doing this? Why the hell was I even here? To pick at the fucking wound in my gaping chest?
Seeing Tali had stirred old desires, to bemore, wantmore. The blazing inferno of truth staring right back at me in this smudged mirror was I had absolutely no idea how to get it. Music and performing didn’t bring me even an ounce of joy, not unless I was high out of my mind. The people I surrounded myself with wouldn’t be here tomorrow if the money and fame went away. My best friend was dead. The only girl I’d ever loved wouldn’t even look at me.
That stranger in the mirror looked back with disdain. “You’re lost, boy. Get outta here and find your way.”
My blood rushed like raging rapids through my veins.Whoosh, whoosh.I heard it in my ears. Head tipped up, I growled at the ceiling.
Looking back at the mirror, that stranger disgusted me. My fist crashed down hard against the marble counter. “Fuck you, fuck you, fuck you.”
I couldn’t stay in here anymore. Not with my reflection spouting out way too many truths, that fucking asshole.
More people had crowded around the band. Jin stood on the periphery, holding two drinks and talking to a couple guys who played in a band we’d toured with when we first started. When he saw me, he handed me the beer he’d gotten me.
His black eyes searched mine. “You good?”
I nodded, swiping my finger under my nose out of habit. Jesus, everything I did was habit these days.
I nodded. “I’m good.” I nodded again, my head bobbing like a buoy on my neck. “Good, good, good. Do you think she’s here?”
He frowned, cocking his head. “Who?”
Shit. I hadn’t told him about Tali. Mostly because he wouldn’t have agreed to come here if I had.
I gave him a wide smile. “The woman of my dreams. You know, the one who’s gonna be sucking my cock at the end of the night.”
I was a tool. The words tumbled from my mouth, but I only heard them from a distance, like I was trapped down a well, out of control of my facilities.
He rolled his eyes. “Pretty sure she’s here.” He clapped his hand on my shoulder. “Go easy, dude.”
I shrugged him off. “I’m always easy.” Jerking my head toward the railing that overlooked the dancefloor below, I said, “I’m gonna go survey the land.”
The floor below wasn’t packed like it normally was when it was open to the general public. Tali was easy to find almost directly below me, wearing a little white dress, dancing with a group of women, drink held high. A waitress passed me, and I grabbed her arm, harder than necessary. She hissed and struggled against my grasp, then smiled when recognition hit her eyes, even as she rubbed where my hand had been.
“How can I help you, Mr. Goldman?”
I cuffed her chin with my knuckle. “Call me Jude. See that angel down there in the white dress? Bring her a beer. A Pilsner Urquell. Tell her it’s from me.”
