AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Baby, baby, baby...why you gotta forsake me?” I threw my head back and cackled. “Oh fuck, I think I wrote a song.”
Jin managed to get me in a cab, mostly because I didn’t fight him. Without Tali there, the club felt empty and oppressive. The black walls became ominous, and the strangers surrounding me filled me with paranoia.
By the time we rode the elevator to my borrowed apartment, I was shaking all over. My muscles vibrated in my limbs, and sweat poured from every pore. My T-shirt stuck to my chest, and my heart hammered so hard, I was sure I’d see it if I looked down.
Inside, Jin ordered me to sit on the couch while he got me a glass of water. I flung off my shirt, cold and hot all at once. Shaky hands raked the damp hair off my face. As many times as I blinked, I couldn’t clear my vision. The world was blurred at the edges and darkness closed in. Rage and shame dueled inside me, raking my guts with dull blades over and over.
Jin had to steady my hand on the glass of water he brought me. They shook so bad, I spilled water down my chin and onto my chest. Not that it mattered. I was already coated in sweat.
“I think I’m dying,” I whispered.
He clutched my shoulders. “You’re not dying. You’re having a bad trip.”
He pushed me down to a prone position, but it was hard for me to lie still. “Is there a crack in my chest? Gotta be. My heart’s beating so hard, feels like it’s about to make a break for it.”
Jin’s concerned, pity-filled face was the last thing I remembered clearly. After that, it was just flashes. A cool washcloth on my forehead. Jin pacing, talking to someone on the phone. Arguing about going to the hospital. Ari staring at me, declaring me fine. More washcloths, on my chest and neck. I curled on my side, clutching my hands over my heart.
“Slow, slow, slow.” I wasn’t sure if I said that out loud or not, but my heart didn’t get the message. Blackness overtook me, and I was gone.
Beep,beep, beeping woke me. I hadn’t realized I’d fallen asleep, but cracking my eyes open, I immediately recognized I was no longer in my apartment. Bright lights had me wincing. I turned away, spotting Jin in the chair next to my bed, watching me.
“You didn’t die.” Jin’s voice was flat.
I started to raise my hand, but was stopped by the tube attached to my arm. An IV, pumping god knows what into my veins.
Not that I’d ever had a problem pumping foreign substances into my veins.
The night came back to me. Tali. Pretty Tali in her white dress, looking at me like I was killing her. Jin having to take care of me like a child. Ari, our manager, trying to convince Jin not to call an ambulance. Grabbing that waitress. The overwhelming shame of it all. Seeing and tasting death—hurtling toward it when I should’ve been running the other way.
I couldn’t have another night like this. Wasn’t sure I’d survive it. I didn’t know how to stop, but I wanted to. I finally wanted to. What came next fucking terrified me, but killing myself in front of the people I loved scared me more.
“I need help, Jin.”
He nodded sharply, fierce eyes latching onto mine. “Then we’ll get you help, Jude.”
