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6
Percy
Saturday 10:20 AM
The feeling to my hands returns fully, around the same time that I could breathe again.
Okay, so apparently I’m married. This is definitely not what I set out for. In fact, it’s the exact opposite of what I wanted.
In all actuality, this is the worst I’ve ever managed to fuck up.
It’s bad. Really bad.
That being said, it’s not as permanent as certain suburbanites might have you believe.
I can fix this. That’s why we invented divorce right? Or even an annulment.
The only real problem here is that I have no fucking idea what my husband looks like.
Who am I married to?
I lower my trembling hand and glance at the girls.
We’ve been through worse. We’ll figure this out.
“Okay,” Sammi says, her serious scientific voice at work, “this—this is going to be okay. We know you got married last night, all we need to do is figure out exactly what happened, and then we’ll fix it.”
She looks at me warily, like I’m about to jump out the window, run and scream down the street.
Hard to blame her, it’s not like the thought didn’t cross my mind.
“Fuck yes we’ll fix it,” I say instead, glad to see her face soften.
“Okay, good.” Becky pipes up. “We can do this. I mean, come on. This is one thing we’re fucking good at.”
I laugh, wondering slightly at our strange skill set.
“First things first: let’s check the suite.”
We all nod begrudgingly, knowing what we’re about to find likely won’t be pretty.
I extend my hand toward the door, eyes still fixed on Sammi.
“After you.”
She groans, turning to make her way back into the hall.
After discovering that my pubes are blessedly untouched, I’m actually feeling pretty positive about this one.
How bad can it be?
The room over from my own is the bathroom. The door is slightly ajar, hanging loosely from a clearly busted hinge. I take a deep breath before pushing it slowly open, memories of horny monkeys and sharks dancing through my head.
When nothing immediately jumps at me, I give it a hard shove. It slides easily enough, hinge squeaking loudly in protest as it opens.
Really, once I get a good look, it’s not so bad.
No wild animals, no ladyboy hiding in the shower. All in all, maybe even a little disappointing. The only things that might be alittleconcerning are the pregnancy tests.
