AllFreeNovel
Share Us
3
Percy
Thursday 9:43 Pm
Curvy girls rule the goddamn world.
“Becks! What’s the haps?” I accept the video call from my favorite redhead and watch as her face blooms across the screen.
“Dude. I’m totally fat now,” Becky announces proudly, holding the phone just far enough away from her body that I can see her growing baby bump. “I swear, Perce. I ordered like, fifty chicken nuggets and a milkshake at dinner tonight, and the waitress just nodded knowingly, likeUh-huh, girl. Been there, done that!”
“God,” I shudder. “Please don’t tell me you dipped the nuggets in the—”
“Milkshake? Oh, you bet your sassy ass I did. This baby isweird,babe. The shit it has me craving, you wouldn’t believe. But…Perce, where the hell are you? Are you seriously clubbing right now? And, uh…I don’t even want to ask, but what’s that sobbing noise?”
Now that Becky mentions it, thereisa weird, effeminate wailing that’s really harshing the vibes of the VIP section I’m currently dominating. It makes me roll my damn eyes—some people just don’t know how to handle themselves.
“I think it’s that actor—you know the one. Bergendorf Cuminbatch or whatever. Just broke things off with him…he’s not taking it well,obviously.”
Becky cringes. “Still in the trenches with your official break-up talks, huh?”
I nod, casting a brief glance at the long line of hearts I have yet to break tonight. “It’s, uh. It’s taking a while, yeah.”
I mean, it would take a lot less time if they would stop begging me to take them back, TBH. What the fuck do they think I’m going to do? Break off my engagement for some sloppy dude currently sobbing into my glass of Cristal? Fat fucking chance.
I might not have ever fancied myself the marrying type…but honestly, I’m feeling good about this whole Anton thing. I mean, I’ve started calling him Anton instead of Silver Fox, at least—and I agreed to be his bride and all that shit. It’s progress, is what I’m saying—character development and all that shit!
Breaking up with all my former lovers, spring flings, one night stands, fuck buddies, butt buddies, sugar daddies, paramours, male escorts and reverse harems is just ink on the final page at this point. All that’s standing between me and my new life with my hot new husband is fifty dudes, a wild bachelorette weekend and the minor issue of Anton’s mother’s blessing.
But like, whatever.
I’m mostly concerned with the bachelorette thing at this point.
See, Becky got a wild-ass bachelorette party whenshewas supposed to get married to this really gross dude. And actually, it ended up fine. We all got totally fucking wasted, Becky caught her husband-to-be getting plowed by a Russian hooker with a strap-on, ends up married to the bastard’s sexy British step-brother instead. Amazing, right?
Especially when, just behind Becky on the video call, her bedroom door flings open and suddenly, there’s Liam in all his naked glory. He’s got the Union Jack tattooed on his chest, his dick in his hand, a smile on his face, and—
“Holy shit, sorry Perce, I need to, uh…” Becky stammers, looking over her shoulder at her nude husband and delicately letting her jaw hit the floor.
“Damn right you do,” I tell her.
The call and Becky’s panties drop at pretty much the exact same time.
I get back into the breakups. I mean, I’ve gotta, right? I make it through two Grammy-winners and the Oakland Raiders defensive line before my phone rings again.
“Sams!” I wink at the camera as my favorite brunette pops up on my screen. “How’s saving the planet?”
“Fucking awesome,” Sammi says, cheers-ing me with a piña colada while the ocean undulates in the background. “Lock shot a poacher with a harpoon gun last week—damn near castrated him! And look!”
Sams turns her head and I catch a glimpse of a wicked scar forming along her jawline.
“Yikes,” I wince. “Another one? At this rate, you’ll be showing up to my wedding in an eye patch.”
“Yarr,” Sammi agrees in pirate-speak. “Not to brag or anything, butbabe. You shoulda seen the other guy. Besides…is there still going tobea wedding? I hear Anton’s mom is still holding out on granting him like…permission, or whatever.”
I roll my eyes and toss what’s left of my glass of Cristal at the telecoms mogul currently crawling across the floor toward me, trying to kiss the toes of my Louboutins.
Ugh.Men.
