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But that would probably never happen. In all the time I’d known him, he’d never had a serious girlfriend. He’d ‘dated’ two-thirds of the female population of our high school, and probably his college, but had never settled down. I didn’t know if he was afraid of commitment, super picky, or just too insufferable to hold onto anyone. I had my guess.
Either way, until Ryan figured it out, I would continue to be trapped with him for this one week. All I could do was keep my head down, avoid him, and hope to survive another year.
CHAPTER TWO
Ryan
“Hello? Anyone here?” I called out as I opened the door and stepped inside.
There had been one car in the driveway, but I didn’t recognize it, so I assumed it was the rental car that brought Mr. and Mrs. Dodd to the cabin. I knew that they were coming straight from the airport, just returning from their vacation in Hawaii.
It was eerily quiet in the small structure though. Normally, Mrs. Dodd managed to have festive music playing and cookies baking in the oven within ten minutes of her arrival. It always made me feel like I was coming home. But, aside from the door being unlocked and the lights being on, it looked like no one was around.
Unconcerned, I dropped my bags by the door and started pulling off my extensive layers, grateful to be inside where it was warm. It was getting colder by the minute outside, and for the last hour of my drive the snow had been falling faster and faster. Just the few seconds of running from the car to the door had left me damp and chilled. It was definitely going to be a white Christmas. Although, this far up in the mountains, it usually was.
“Oh, it’s you.”
I looked up from untying my boots and saw April standing on the other side of living room, her arms crossed, and her eyes narrowed. She must have been back in the bedroom when I came in. And she must have gotten a new car. It pissed me off, because had I known that it was just her inside, I would have stayed out in my SUV until the others showed up.
Not the most mature response, but I’d learned that distance was the best approach around my best friend’s little sister. For many reasons.
“Where are you parents?” I asked, ignoring her less than friendly greeting. I expected nothing else.
“What, do you think I’m hiding them in my pockets?” She responded with her normal snark, gesturing to the empty room.
Great, two minutes in and we were already at each other’s throats. It’s what I had been afraid of. Without the buffer of Jeremy or her parents’ we would probably kill each other. I hoped like hell that they arrived soon. I appreciated them inviting me to spend the holiday with them since my parents were gone, but sometimes I wondered if it was worth it.
“Let me clarify,” I asked, gritting my teeth in hopes of maintaining my composure. “When might they be arriving?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t heard anything from them in a few hours. Jeremy should be here any minute though,” she said dismissively.
She turned to walk back into her room, and I hastily dropped my gaze so I wouldn’t be tempted to stare at her ass. It was a fantastic ass, but a very off-limits one. I mentally scolded myself and returned to the issue at hand.
“Jeremy won’t be here for a while yet,” I corrected her. “He called me while I was driving. About an hour ago. He got held up at work, and hadn’t even left yet.”
I saw her stiffen, but she didn’t look back. “Oh, that’s freaking great.”
I echoed her sentiments. I was already getting a bad feeling about this trip. Between the weather, and everyone else missing, something was off. And every time I was with April, it felt like an anvil was hanging over our heads, held by a tiny string. Someday it was going to snap. I just hoped that it wasn’t today.
As she walked away, I tried to psych myself up. Remind myself why I was here. Mostly because I had nowhere else to go, but also because I did sometimes enjoy the festive atmosphere.
On the one hand, spending the holiday with the Dodd’s was my only chance at being part of any family, probably ever again. Jeremy was essentially my brother, and his parents were the greatest. Sometimes we’d be sitting around the tree, watching a movie, drinking eggnog, and I would forget what I’d lost. Being here reminded me so much of my Christmases as a kid, and for those few moments I was carefree and happy.
On the other hand, those moments reminded exactly how much I had left to lose. Jeremy and the Dodd’s helped me through the worst years of my life, and I cared deeply for them. If I lost any of them, I’d be devastated. But even losing them wasn’t even the worst possibility. I lived in fear of ever really loving someone again. The deep kind of love you experience for a parent, or a child. Or a significant other. I couldn’t control much in my life, but I could control that one thing.
I was determined to never let anyone in far enough to destroy me a second time.
And it was pretty easy. I never dated any woman long enough to get attached. The second I thought I might have feelings for anyone, I broke it off, and found a new meaningless partner.
For that precise reason, I had to keep April Dodd at an arm’s length. For the longest time, I hadn’t really noticed her. She was Jeremy’s annoying little sister. Always around, bothering us, but not really registering as a real person in my life. I’d noticed, in a casual way, when she’d gotten kind of cute as a teenager, but that was about it. She was off-limits, and basically family, so not an issue.
But the summer after my parents died, I stayed with the Dodd’s. And that was the first time I ever reallysawApril. She had grown up in an instant it seemed, and it almost knocked me off my feet. She was beautiful, and smart, and sweet. Even though I’d never been particularly nice to her, she tried to make me feel at home with them. She represented all of the things I had been missing in the last, dark year. Innocence and joy, light and goodness. Being around her made me feel alive for the first time in year, and that was terrifying.
I found myself drawn to her in a way that I was rarely drawn to anyone. But when she suddenly came on to me and made her feelings for me known, like an idiot I’d freaked out and handled the situation badly. Very badly.
I had the inexplicable sense that April could be the real deal. That I could fall for her if I let myself. But that absolutely couldn’t happen. I wouldn’t risk it for myself, and I wouldn’t risk messing up my relationship with the Dodd’s. April was also too important to ruin it with something meaningless and purely physical.
Had I explained it to her in that way, without bruising her pride, she might have understood. But I was too emotionally stunted at that point to let her down gently, so instead I told her that I didn’t think about her in that way, and never would—and that blow-up had turned into an exchange of angry words, and a decade of animosity.
