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Chapter Ten
Despite a late and fitful night, Jasper had awoken with the lark. There had been no point attempting to go back to sleep because his mind was whirring every which way, so he decided to bury himself in work until breakfast. There was still close to a month’s worth of Reprobates’ accounts to go over alongside a mountain of correspondence. Except that hadn’t worked to quieten his thoughts either and after an hour of being unable to focus for longer than a few minutes at a time, he had given up to stare out of his study window instead.
His emotions were all over the place. Obvious sadness at Cora’s passing and the guilt of missing her funeral, on top of the huge swathe of guilt he already carried as far as she was concerned, mingled with the onerous task of settling her affairs.
Cora had left everything to her daughter. The cottage he had bought them, all her belongings, some treasured family pieces passed from Cora’s father and a great many stocks and shares, which he now knew she had spent some of her generous allowance on and which, all credit to her, made Izzy not wealthy in her own right by any stretch of the imagination, but comfortable. Financial independence had meant a lot to Cora in a way that he had never had to comprehend despite his own family’s struggles with money. Hardly a surprise when this was a man’s world and a woman, and most especially one from Cora’s world, was always at the mercy of her masters. As disposable to their betters as that little boy in the infirmary that Hattie had told him about. As the new custodian of all those things, he had to make some careful decisions. He owed it to both Cora and Izzy to do that well.
Then there was Izzy to contend with, which was a whole other hornet’s nest of confusion, marred by uncertainty, and an overwhelming fear of inadequacy as far as parenting was concerned. He had been flung in at the deep end, was genuinely doing his best to work it all out and each day revealed fresh challenges he had little clue how to navigate.
She was grieving too and understandably, so much more than he because she really did not understand the concept or the finality of death at all. By day he could minimise her anxieties by keeping her entertained. By night, awful terrors woke her and a week on, it bothered him that they seemed to be getting worse, not better. He had lost count of the many different ways that he had tried to explain that Cora was gone for good in the wee hours when she cried for her mother. It was becoming one of the main things occupying his mind.
That and his guilt and his inadequacies and his impending scandal.
Although the bulk of his pontificating this morning had again been about Hattie. And she was a whole other maelstrom of intense and colliding emotions, most of which he didn’t understand. All he did know, or at least thought he did, was that there was a definite connection between them. She seemed to sense exactly what he was thinking and vice versa. They were undoubtedly cut from the same cloth. He was comfortable with her. Able to always be himself when he usually masked his true character, even with his closest friends. However, while Hattie was undisputedly now his friend there were other things floating beneath the surface which he was struggling to ignore. Feelings he wasn’t sure were either appropriate or welcome in a friendship.
Attraction was the main concern. Jasper recognised all the symptoms, so was in no doubt that she called to him as a man as well as a friend. The need to see her. The need to look at her. The powerful effects of her smile or her touch or her lush body pressed against his. That impromptu near-embrace in the doorway while they had hidden from the Duchess of Warminster had been pure, unmitigated torture. It had instantly sent him mad with inappropriate lust which had kept rearing its ugly head ever since, leaving him with an overwhelming awareness of his own heartbeat, flesh and nerve endings whenever she was near. There was also a great deal of nervous anticipation before they collided when he knew they would. Like now, where he couldn’t sit still because she was due here within the hour for Izzy’s tea party.
Or so he hoped even though he had tried to talk her out of it again last night at the Renshaws’ annual tuneless and supposedly exclusive musicale for the great and the good.
If, indeed, seventy people all gathered around a harpist and a talentless quartet could be construed as an exclusive entertainment. It had been intimate though. The airless room so hot and crammed you had no choice other than to rub shoulders with the great and the good because there wasn’t the space to do otherwise. Hattie’s summation and a fitting one.
And that was another worrying symptom.
Hanging on her every word. As if actively attending something he wouldn’t normally be caught dead at just to spend some time with her wasn’t evidence enough. And as if he wasn’t burdened by guilt enough that he needed to add an untimely and grossly inappropriate attraction to his best friend’s sister to his list of sins. A charitable, good-hearted and respectable young woman who had been nothing but kind to him in his hour of need. Who clearly had more of a soft spot for Izzy than she had for him. A woman whose beguiling eyes and pert figure he had no right enjoying quite as much as he did.
Clearly he was an awful person.
The worst.
Jasper sighed as he gave in to the urge to check the mantel clock for the umpteenth time and almost groaned aloud to see that the minute hand had moved barely an eighth of an inch since the last time he had checked.
In the absence of anything better to do, he decided to knock his head against his desk in the hope that might stop his thoughts spinning, only to jump out of his skin when Mrs Mimms strode in. ‘You have a caller.’
‘Hattie?’ Just to compound his current misery, his foolish heart soared then plummeted as she shook her head.
‘Her brother. Told me to be sure to tell you that if you can gallivant at both the Bulphans’ and the Renshaws’, then you could damned well see him.’ She pursed her lips as her eyebrows raised. ‘I get the distinct impression he’s got a bee in his bonnet.’
It didn’t take a genius to work out that bee likely had something to do with his sister. Hattie had intimated her brother hadn’t been happy that she had escorted Jasper’s brandy-soaked carcase home last week, and his friend had certainly shot him a few daggers last night as he had watched them sat together and laughing at the musical performance. ‘Where’s Izzy?’ It was probably safest to deal with one sting at a time.
‘Helping Cook make biscuits for your tea party with Lady Harriet later. I shall keep her in the kitchen till he leaves.’
‘You didn’t mention the tea party to Freddie, did you?’ Because then there would be pistols at dawn for sure.
‘I am not an idiot. Although my silence might be moot if she turns up while her brother is still here.’ Mrs Mimms pulled a face as her gaze slid to the clock. ‘To be on the safe side, I shan’t offer him any refreshments whatsoever to speed his exit. In the meantime, I shall send him in and pray for you.’
‘It is so nice having someone so staunchly on your side.’
She rolled her eyes at his sarcasm as she bustled out and less than a minute later Freddie Fitzroy strode in with a wagging finger. ‘What the blazes do you think you are doing, Jasper Beaufort?’
‘And a cheery good morning to you, my friend.’
‘Don’t give me all that friends rot.’ Freddie stopped short of Jasper’s desk and planted his feet. ‘A decent friend doesn’t try to seduce a man’s sister behind his back!’
‘Actually...’ Jasper would suffer the admonishment because his wayward thoughts might well deserve it even if he was not guilty of the charge, but he wouldn’t condone blatant hypocrisy. ‘Seeing as you went and married George Claremont’s sister after both wooing her and then running away with her to Gretna Green behind his back, apparently they do.’
By the way Freddie’s eyes began to bulge, that probably wasn’t the most sensible way to start this conversation but it was too late to claw it back now, so Jasper dipped his gaze contritely. ‘But your point is well made, and a friend should never do such a thing to his best friend’s sister—which is why I haven’t.’ And nor would he. Not only would it be unfair to Hattie and ruin their blossoming friendship, which he valued above all else, with his shocking reputation and the impending scandal about to make it ten times worse, any sort of attempted seduction would also likely send her limping for the hills.
More was the pity.
