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I hate him.
I hate myself.
“Please,” he whispers and I can feel his breath on my lips. “I’m so sorry I did this.” My eyes open and I feel the gaping hole in my heart constrict. “Tell me how to fix it.” His hands cup my cheeks and I let myself melt into him. If I were stronger, I’d push him away. But I just want to pretend this isn’t a problem. I want to pretend that this won’t be lurking in the corners of my mind every time he doesn’t answer my text or any time he’s out without me. For a second, I just want to be Leighton and Everett, two people that have loved each other for so long and can finally be together.
I don’t want to be strong; I just want him to love me.
It’s unfair, really. For the world to dangle him in front of me like this only to rip him away in such a cruel manner. I hadn’t known karma to come back around that quickly. That’s what this is, right? Karma? I slept with Alli’s man, so she slept with mine?
“I don’t know that you can fix this, Everett.” I look up into his eyes the color of the ocean and the pain reflected in them mirrors mine. “Please…just go.”
His shoulders sag with defeat. “Call me…please, Leigh.”
I don’t say anything as I watch him head down the stairs slowly. I wait until I hear my front door close before I drop to the floor and a sob so loud and painful rips through me.
“Fuck him, seriously,” Peyton White, my other roommate, says as she props her feet up on our coffee table. “And seriously fuck him for making me cut my Georgetown weekend short. Those Beta Pi guys sure know how to party.” She takes a sip of the rosé straight from the bottle before passing it to me. I’d summoned both her and Skyler home with an SOS the second I managed to pull myself off the floor, and in true best friend form, they both came running. Despite the fact that Skyler had a romantic weekend planned with Aidan, and Peyton probably had a similar weekend planned with an entire fraternity, they came when I called.
Skyler enters the room with a second bottle of wine, a pint of ice cream, and at least two blankets under her arm. “We don’t know for sure that he slept with her and if he was that drunk then he more than likely had whiskey dick…” I shoot her a glare. “IF they even tried anything!”
“That is so not the point!” Peyton argues. She itches her nose ring and runs a hand through her blonde hair before pulling it up into a bun. “Why was he in bed with her?”
“Hello!” I point at Peyton. “Thank you?” I look at Skyler as if to say, ‘argue that point, please.’
Skyler blows a light brown hair from her eyes and rubs her lips. “Maybe he was just so drunk, he needed a place to pass out?”
“Naked?” Peyton rolls her eyes. “That can’t be your only argument.”
Skyler opens the pint of ice cream and hands it to me with a spoon. “I’m not being naive! I’m just…” she looks around the room, as I assume she’s trying to find the right words. “Everett is so crazy about you.” She looks at me, and I stare down into the cup of mint chocolate chip. “He loves you so much. He always has! Have you seen the way he looks at you when he thinks no one is looking? Have you seen the way you look at him while everyone is looking? You two belong together.”
“Maybe, but the right guy at the wrong time is still the wrong guy,” Peyton argues.
My heart sinks hearing Peyton’s words. What does that mean? I have to wait even longer to be with him?
Do I even want to be with him now?
“I agree that maybe you need some space to process this. But if you’re still unsure in a few days, I think there’s a reason for that. Be honest with him, Leighton. You guys might be dishonest with everyone else in your life,” Skyler says with a pointed look, “but you’ve always been open with each other.”
I nod as I take a bite of the minty dessert, and for a second, I pray it heals the pain in my chest. “Am I being silly? I mean, do I have the right to be mad if he slept with her?”
“Uh, yes?” Peyton interjects. “Sky said he almost took the door off the hinges when he was leaving yesterday because he thought you were sleeping with Alan!”
“Adam,” I correct.
“Irrelevant! I literally met the guy twice. Couldn’t even pick him out of a lineup,” Peyton says as she picks at her nail beds.
“He’s in our statistics class!”
Peyton grabs the ice cream from me and takes a bite. “So?”
“Oh my God, off topic. I’ve never slept with Adam.” I tell them.
“And he said he never slept with Alli. You also said that he was just trying to make you jealous,” Skyler says. “So, what reason would he have for sleeping with her now?”
“What reason do fuckboys have for doing anything? The reasoning is in their name! They’re fuckboys!” Peyton retorts.
“Everett is not a fuckboy!” Skyler furrows her brow, and if I didn’t know any better, I’d say she was related to him with the way she’s defending him. “He’s kind and caring and considerate and worships the ground Leigh walks on! Literally. I think if she asked him to, he’d kiss the ground beneath her feet.”
Peyton takes another sip of wine, and her hazel eyes roll in a full circle. “Look Leigh, you know whatever you choose to do, I’ve got your back one hundred and ten percent. This is a judgment free zone…I just…I don’t want to see you getting hurt, and I know it’s easy to get tunnel vision when you’re in love.”
“I know.” I take a sip of the rosé and let the bubbles trickle down my throat. I know Skyler and Peyton are just trying to help, and I’m grateful that they are arguing both sides. If they were both for or against working things out with Everett, I don’t know how I’d be able to remain objective. Skyler is Team Everett and Peyton is certainly not, but first and foremost I know they are both Team Leighton, which is all I could ask for in my best friends. Best friends I want to get drunk with and forget about this horrible day. Like now.
I take a long swig from the bottle, swallowing the rest of the alcohol. “Can we get something stronger than this?”
