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I almost want to turn around and beg her friends to stay, but now all of a sudden, they seem in a hurry to leave.
“Never mind this is the second time in a month you’ve shattered my heart into a million pieces. You’re asking I don’t leave you until when? You and Alli go play house in some sorority sponsored off campus housing? Pass.” She snorts sarcastically but I can see the pain in her eyes
“That’s not going to happen, Leigh. At most, we’d learn to, I don’t know, co-parent. But I’m never going to be with her. I want to be with you.”
She nods her head. “Lucky me.” She takes a large gulp of her drink and I wince. I want to take the drink from her, knowing nothing good would come from it, but I’m fairly certain that would be risking my life.
“Leighton…look at me,” I command, and despite her devastation, her irritation, her anger, her eyes flit to mine. “I made a mistake. But you took me back knowing there was a chance I slept with her, and now it seems I did. And it’s fucked up. You don’t deserve this shit. But I love you. I love you more than I hate myself right now, and I know it’s selfish, but I’m asking…begging that you just stick with me through this. I know this means Alli has to be in our lives, but I don’t want her…there’s no me and her. Only me and you.”
Despite the fact that we were preparing to go out later, by five thirty Leighton is drunk, and I can see her shutting down in front of me. I’d foregone drinking for obvious reasons, so when she begins to stumble upstairs, I follow closely behind her to steady her if needed. I watch as she pulls her shoes off and lies on her bed. She stares at the ceiling for a few moments then squeezes her eyes shut and presses her face into the pillow. I watch as her shoulders begin to shake under the force of this shitty day.
“Baby…” I’m kneeling next to her bed in a second, rubbing her back and stroking her hair. “I’m so sorry. So fucking sorry.”
When she turns to me her eyes are red and the space underneath them are already starting to swell slightly. “How…how could this happen? It’s not fair.”
“You’re right, it’s not fair. It’s so fucking fucked up.” I’ve been so focused on Leighton and how she’s handling this that I don’t think it hit me that I could potentially be a father in nine months. I let out a breath. “I’m not ready to be a father.”
Her lip trembles and I want to rub my lips across hers to try and take the pain away. “You’re going to forget all about me.”
“What?” I narrow my eyes at her. Is she crazy? She’s the center of my world. I’d never forget her.
“You’re going to have a baby and…I won’t be important anymore.”
“You’ll always be important, Leigh. The most important.”
“Not more important than your baby.” She sighs. “Why couldn’t it have been me?” she whimpers. “I would love your baby so much, Everett.” Her eyes are glazed over and I’m not sure if it’s all from the tears or from the alcohol hitting her hard and fast. She closes her eyes.
“I’d give anything for it to be you,” I whisper as I take her hand in mine. I get up from next to her bed and crawl behind her, pulling her against my chest. I rub my knuckles down her face gently and she sighs as she succumbs to a liquor induced slumber. “Please don’t give up on us, Leigh.”
She turns around and snuggles face first into my chest, and I relish in her vulnerability.
She wants me to comfort her. She wants me to make this better. She doesn’t hate me.
Yet.
