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“I don’t know…I know she loves me. But she had everything, and she walked away from it all. She risked everything just as I did. What if she wakes up one day and regrets it?”
“What if you do?”
“I won’t.”
“Okay, if you are sure you will never feel that way, why won’t you take her word for it that she feels the same? I am sure that she’s been equally transparent about her feelings in this whole ordeal.”
I’m silent for what feels like an eternity, my thoughts and his words weighing on my brain. “Can we wrap this up for the day?” I ask him, wanting to be alone with my thoughts.
“Of course.” He nods. “I’ve given you a lot to reflect on.”
I walk through the facility and I’m not surprised that the majority of the occupants aren’t in their rooms; they’re with their families in one of the many common areas. I make it back to my room and drop to my bed, the events of the day having me barreling towards sleep despite the fact that it is only noon. I’m staring at the ceiling for what feels like an hour before I sit up, accepting defeat that sleep is evading me. I reach for my bag and pull out a book that I brought. When I open it, a picture falls out.
And not just any picture.
My favorite picture of Charley—one that I stare at often; it’s the background to my cell phone.
She’s lying on our bed giving the camera one of her signature shy smiles, her eyes teasing me as they always do. I notice an envelope that fell out of the bag when I grab the book, and I frown, wondering what it is.
I turn it over and it reads:
Read me when you’re lonely.
I recognize the handwriting instantly and a smile finds my face as I open the envelope.
Will,
Thank you for loving me even when I didn’t love myself. Thank you for being the support I needed, the shoulder to cry on, the hand to hold. My favorite hello, my hardest goodbye, all of the things that love songs are made of. Thank you for breathing life into me, metaphorically and literally. You’ve made me a mommy! For eight months you’ve been the single reason I look forward to the next day. In the beginning, because it was a day closer to seeing you again. And now, because it’s another day I get to spend on this adventure through life with you. I know right now you may be a little upset with me, but please know that I’m always in your corner and I vow to never leave it. You’re the man of my dreams (and thankfully my reality) and I’m so grateful that you’ve chosen me to love for the rest of your life. I’m so proud of you and I can’t wait to see you in a week.
I miss you, I love you, and I’m thinking about you every second that you’re gone.
Your Charley
I glance at the picture again, my eyes suddenly blurry after reading Charley’s words.Upset with her? Never.The guilt takes over my mind as I think about what the last few days have meant for Charley.What has she been doing? I hope she’s gotten out and not stayed in the house sulking. Drew and Lauren better have checked in on her.I can’t wait to take her in my arms and hold her, touch her soft skin, pepper kisses all over her stomach.
Baby.
We made a baby.I left so quickly we barely had a chance to celebrate. I smile, thinking about the new life growing inside of her by the day. Something only I’ve given her. Something she’s only wanted from me. I read over her words at least a dozen more times wishing they would transport me to her. I trace my fingertip over her face before I press the picture of her to my heart. I’ve long forgotten about the book, and clearly the insomnia, because within moments I’m asleep.
Saturday: Day Six
I run a hand over my jaw, feeling the new growth that’s grown over the past week. I haven’t been able to trim or do any landscaping on my beard.They don’t exactly let you come in with razors or clippers.I scratch my jaw hoping that Charley won’t hate it too much before I trim it back to its usual length.
It’s only nine in the evening and I feel like a kid on the night before Christmas. I’m anxious to get into bed knowing what the next day will bring—Charley.
I press a kiss to the picture she gave me, like I have the last few nights since I discovered it, and slide into bed. I haven’t masturbated at all since I’ve been here as I know it’s something they advise you not to do in rehab, but the thought of seeing Charley tomorrow has the excitement coursing through my dick making it impossible to go down.
I turn on my side in a huff, ignoring the tingling sensation in my balls and the throbbing in my cock.
What I wouldn’t give for Charley’s mouth wrapped around my—No Will. Besides, think about how much better the release will be tomorrow inside of her.I put a pillow over my face and groan thinking about how I still have one final session tomorrow before I get to leave the facility.
I look at the clock on my nightstand.Just sixteen more hours.A smile finds my face as I think about how I plan to never be without her this long ever again.
No. More. Alcohol.
Sunday: Day Seven
IHAVEN’T TALKED TO ANYONEoutside of these four walls for the past week so I am unaware if anyone is coming with Charley to pick me up tonight.Is Drew bringing her?I shudder thinking about my parents bullying her into wanting to come as well; I had told Drew to let them know what has been going on.
