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“Yes.” The tears flood her eyes, and before I can think I’ve dropped to my knees in front of her, wrapping my arms around her stomach.
“A baby,” I whisper as I press my face to her stomach. “Oh my God.” I lift her shirt and press a kiss to the skin before standing up and wrapping her in my arms. My heart sinks as I don’t feel her hugging me back. I pull back and she doesn’t seem as happy as I am.
“This should be the happiest moment of my life. I’m finally getting what I always wanted. A baby with a man that loves me.”
“Then what’s the problem? I’m here, I love you, I want a family with you.”I’ve been coming inside of you for the past month just praying to get you pregnant.
“The problem is the novelty wears off, Will! And when that happens you seem to turn to other vices instead of me. I can’t risk raising this baby with someone who passes out on me mid-sentence, or who goes on benders from time to time, soaking their liver in scotch! I’ve seen what alcoholics can do to children. I’ve seen what alcohol can do to families, Will. I’m not saying you’ll be Michael. I’m not. In my heart of hearts, I don’t think you’d ever lay a hand on me. But there are so many other factors. What if you hurt yourself or someone else? What happens if you relapse and I’m not around? What happens if you pass out when you’re watching our children? What about when they’re older and you miss birthdays or recitals or soccer games because you’re off somewhere getting drunk?”
My hands begin to shake as she lists off some of her biggest fears.Hell, some of mine too.“Charlotte, that won’t happen. I’ll stop. I’ll get help.”
“AA meetings aren’t enough. You’ve been through this once. Maybe you’ll stop for a while, but what happens when something else happens and you feel out of control. What if in two years you can’t get your license reinstated for whatever reason? What if something else happens that throws a wrench in your life? And maybe you won’t turn to alcohol next time. Maybe it’ll be something harder or more dangerous. Words aren’t enough, Will. Maybe if it was just me…but I’m not risking anything when it comes to our baby.”
“I would never hurt you or our baby.”
“I know that. But you’d say anything to keep me here right now. You kept this from me for so long, because you were afraid I’d leave if I knew.”
“AND YOU’RE LEAVING!” I bellow as I stand up.
“I just don’t want you to use me as a crutch, Will. I can’t be your entire incentive. I want you to get better foryou.”
The words are bubbling to the surface and they’re flying from my mouth before I can catch them. “You can’t fucking do this,” I growl. I don’t think I’ve ever taken this tone with her, but I’m angry.Livid. “You do this…you leave and it’s over. It’ll break us.”
You don’t mean that.
If she leaves me now when I need her most, how the hell am I supposed to trust her?
That’s not fair. She’s afraid of you.
No, she’s not. She’s afraid of what your relationship with her could do to you if you don’t get help.
Her eyes widen and she looks down, the tears trickling down her cheeks again. “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
“You told me you loved me.”
“I do. Which is why I’m doing this. I love you too much to watch you self-destruct.”
I’m not self-destructing, I had a slip up. I made a mistake. Like you’ve never made a mistake, Charlotte?
Don’t say that.“But I need you.”
“And I’ll be there for you if you need me to go with you to meetings or—”
“Fuck that, Charlotte. I need YOU. Here. In my house with me. Inourhouse, I bought for us across town.”You asked me to fucking marry you. We’re having a baby! I’ll be damned if we aren’t living in the same house.
“I want to be there too.”
“Then why are you leaving?”
“I just suggested that maybe I should stay at Lauren’s while you get yourself together. I went from a house I shared with Matt to a house I share with you and…I never even had a second to decompress.”
“But you knew that,” I argue.That’s kind of what happens when you leave your husband for another man, Charlotte.
“I know.”
“What’s changed?”
“You.” My palms begin to sweat, as I come to the startling realization that I don’t think I’ll be able to talk her into staying.
