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The cashier, an older gentleman with a beer belly and a beard that almost touches the counter looks at me and chuckles as he begins to scan my items. “I feel for you, man. I’ve got one myself at home.” I go to respond when I realize I’m not sure who he thinks Stassia is to me.
A daughter? Or…a lover?
In one weekend she’s been both, so I just give him an awkward smile before sliding my card into the chip reader. I make my way outside towards the car when I spy Stassia leaning against it with her phone pressed to her ear. I can’t hear her but as I get closer I notice she makes a point of talking louder. “Yeah, Kate, I’m so glad you’ll be off lockdown when I get home. It was such a longboringweekend.” I know she’s only saying it to get under my skin.Surprisingly, she’s succeeded.
I shake my head before sliding into the car. It takes everything in me not to roll a window down to hear what other jabs she’s making at my expense. I am trying my best not to take it personally, but hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.A teenage woman at that.I hadn’t meant to reject her or scorn her or make her feel undesired or unwanted or unloved, only that I was struggling with being the one who made her feel those things in the first place. She finally gets off the phone and slides into the car. “I’m going out when we get home.”
I let out a sigh. “Where, Stassi?”
“Out.”
“Out. Where?” She’s testing my patience and she’s fucking enjoying it.
“I’m sorry, I’m fairly certain your authority is non-existent, Daddy dearest. Asking me where I’m going once you’ve had your tongue in my ass kind of sounds like a jealous boyfriend asking, don’t ya think?” She kicks off her flip-flops and puts her feet up on the passenger seat in front of her, giving me a look that saysdo not fuck with me right now.
Evidently, I have a death wish, so what do I do? I fuck with her.
“You’re acting like a fucking brat, Stassi, and this is what the fuck I’ve been talking about. I’m still allowed to be concerned about your wellbeing and what you’re doing when you leave the house. I don’t give a fuck how old you are or what we’ve done. Above anything else, I care about you and I don’t want to see you hurt or in trouble.”
“Then maybe it’s best I go stay with my grandparents so that it’s not hard now that all these lines are blurred? Or maybe I can ask Micah if I can stay with him.”
“Don’t be ridiculous. Now you’re what? Trying to make me jealous? Grow up.”
“Wow.” She puts her headphones in her ears and presents me with her middle finger. “Please do not talk to me until we get back to Maryland and not a second before.”
The next five hours are hard. Long and hard and seem like they go on forever. With each passing mile, my disgust and self-hatred seem to intensify. I’m not only angry at myself for what transpired but for taking my anger and guilt out on the emotional woman whose virginity I had just taken.What the fuck had I done?
“Stassi…” I start the second I see that familiar sign that readsWelcome to Maryland. I’d obeyed her wishes, not speaking to her until we were back in our home state, but now after eight long hours, I feel it’s time to clear the air. I look into the mirror and see her eyes gazing back into mine.
“Yes?”
“Please don’t hate me.”
She raises an eyebrow and tilts her head to the side. “For what?”
“Any of it.”
She doesn’t say anything for a moment and I’m instantly worried about what she’s going to say. “I don’t hate you for what we did. I don’t even hate you for feeling guilty over it.” She shakes her head. “Dominic, I don’t hate you at all. Not after what we did this weekend.”
“You don’t?”
“No, just because I’m angry it doesn’t mean I hate you. We’re connected, Dominic. Maybe in a way neither of us expected to ever be, or maybe in a way you wish you weren’t connected to me, but we’re here now.”
Her maturity over this situation stuns me. Could it really be that easy to never talk about it again? That it was just a moment—well, several moments of weakness brought on by grief and sadness and lust all rolled up in one forbidden clusterfuck? That maybe we are both mature enough to move on from this. “I’m going to Kate’s,” she tells me with a short smile. “I’ll be safe, I promise.”
Stassi:What are you doing?
It’s nearing midnight and Stassia’s text message after mostly radio silence all night makes me wonder if something is wrong or if she’s just under the influence of something. I’ve been in bed for a while after the long drive home that took all of my energy.
Me:You okay?
Stassi: Of course, answer my question.
Me: I’m in bed. But you never text me when you’re at Kate’s. You’re staying until tomorrow right?
Stassi: Depends
Me: On?
