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“Really?” I know my eyes have to be wide having never even seen what my mother looked like. “Would you happen to have a picture or maybe some of her things I could have?”
“I threw out most of her shit she didn’t take when she left. Ungrateful little brat.”
“Okay, are you preparing to be any kind of helpful?” James interjects and while I appreciate him for combatting this guy’s aggression I don’t want to piss this guy off before I get at least a few answers.
“May I ask how you know Melinda?” I ask him.
“Who’s the white boy?” He nods at James as if he hadn’t noticed him until he said something. “Lawyer or some shit? Listen, I told the adoption agency I didn’t want any rights.”
I can feel James preparing to say something when I put a hand up, stopping him. “You didn’t want any rights? Why?”
“Well, since you asked, I told Melinda to get an abortion. She didn’t want to listen. It almost killed her mother to know that her fourteen year old daughter was having a baby.”
I try to ignore the fact that this man that was clearly a part of my mother’s life advised her to terminate her pregnancy. Terminate me. But I know deep down, it’s a sentence that will play on loop in my head for years to come. I wasn’t wanted. I assumed that I wasn’t necessarily a planned pregnancy but hearing this man’s words is different. “Were you close with Melinda’s mother, my grandmother?”
“Sister.” He grunts. “Well, through marriage. She was my stepsister.”
“Oh! But that makes you my great uncle then.” I’m not sure why I feel so enthusiastic, he doesn’t seem excited about this family reunion. “Are either of my grandparents still here?”
“Dead.”
“Both?”
“Yep.”
My heart sinks, thinking about family that I never had the opportunity to meet. “I’m sorry to hear about that.”
He shrugs. “Life happens. So does death.” The harshness of his words make my stomach turn and I realize that nothing positive is going to come out of this interaction and this whole fucking trip was a waste.
“Well, as lovely as this interaction has been,” I wince, “we should probably get going. May I ask your name?”
“You can call me Joe.”
“Well Joe, it was nice to meet you,” I say as I make my way down the steps and towards the car. James falls into step with me before I stop in my tracks, recalling a certain part of the conversation that I didn’t realize at first.
No fucking way.
“What’s wrong, Gab? Listen don’t let him get to you. That guy—” His hands find my face.
“No.” I shake my head, pulling out of his grasp. “No no no no.” I run back towards the door, almost tripping on the top step before I’m banging aggressively on the door.
“Yes?” Joe says as he opens the door.
“We shouldn’t look alike and yet we do. How can we look alike if you’re my mother’s uncle by MARRIAGE?” I can feel myself getting worked up, having already drawn the conclusion on my own.
He doesn’t say anything and I can feel James behind me. “Answer her.”
“What do you want me to say kid? I was young and stupid and…”
“SHE WAS FOURTEEN!” I scream. “And you let her get shipped off to a convent on what, that some neighborhood boy knocked her up?”
“It could have been anyone, your mother was—”
“Careful,” James starts and Joe narrows his gaze behind me.
“You really don’t know who you’re talking to, kid.”
“Neither do you, obviously,” I interject. “You’re…you can’t be my father. I can’t have you in me,” I say backing up as the tears run down my face. “A rapist.”
