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She was silent. He waited to hear her footsteps, terrified that she might come near him. Thankfully, she stayed where she was.
He breathed deeply a few times, willing himself into some semblance of control, as he had on more occasions than he could count. When he thought he’d contained his emotions, he turned. “I must leave you now,” he said. “But I shall call again tomorrow, and we shall resume our conversation.”
“William,” she said softly. He could barely stand to hear her say his name. It caressed him and offered solace—solace he didn’t deserve, didn’t want. Not now.
He gritted his teeth until he thought they would crack. Dash it all, he had a vowel. He would have its terms fulfilled. His people deserved it, and he would do it for them. It didn’t matter that he didn’t deserve it. He would woo Louisa, he would convince her father of her willingness, and he would marry her. He would make sure that the people of Farleigh Manor had nothing to worry about, that their lives and livelihoods were taken care of.
He could see Peter’s worried, defiant face, so much like his own had looked at that age. He could see little Daisy, aware that something was not right in her world but too young to understand it yet. He could see their mother’s face too—the betrayal and resignation so clearly like his own mother’s. He would not let his father ruin their chances of survival and happiness too. He would not allow history to repeat itself. He would not allow his half brother to live as he had done; he wanted Daisy to grow up as Louisa had—feeling loved and secure.
He would do everything in his power to make it happen. He would dedicate his life to Louisa’s happiness over the years to come, even if it was a futile endeavor. Even if she ultimately hated him. But he would do it. He saw no other choice.
Louisa sat in the chair as if frozen, her eyes stricken. He couldn’t bear to see her that way. He had to choose between the people he loved, and heaven help him, he loved Louisa. She was everything he desired in a wife and in life, everything he longed for.
She had a family who would be there for her always, without question. Parents and brothers who would do anything to protect her and who would always love her, who could bear her up should William ever fall short in his devotion to her.
The people of Farleigh Manor had only him.
He forced himself to walk toward her, take her shaking hand in his, and kiss it. Never show what you’re feeling. “I can say nothing else tonight, Louisa; I’m sorry. I will call on you tomorrow afternoon, if I may,” he said, grateful his voice sounded normal to his ears. “And we will talk some more. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ll show myself out.”
He turned and left and didn’t look back.
