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I force my eyes open.
“Sorry, Oli!” Ashley slaps her hand against her forehead. “I didn’t think. I’m such an idiot.”
“It’s fine.” I try to keep my voice steady as I brush it off. “Forget it. So, uh, what’s new with you anyway?”
I can feel Hannah’s eyes on me as Ashley starts prattling on about some new production the Lakewood Dramatic Arts are putting on and how she’s desperate to get the lead. I nod along with a smile and the occasional, “sounds cool,” but I still can’t shake the weird feeling that’s settled over my body at the thought of having to get behind the wheel of a car. That’s one thing Mum, Sam, and Jake haven’t pushed on me yet, and thankfully, I’m able to get to school and footy training on my bike pretty easily.
Hannah asks me to stay for dinner, but I make an excuse about finishing homework and head home to my empty house. Jake’s on a date and Mum’s out. Grateful for the solitude and exhausted from keeping everything to myself, I lay on the couch and channel surf. I’m not in the mood for any of the feel good rom-coms that Hannah forces me to watch, or the action movie with the car chases, and eventually I settle on a psychological thriller. I rub my gritty eyes as my sluggish brain works overtime to process what’s happening on the screen.
∞
Hannah’s laugh washes over me, warming my body, and I drum my fingers on the steering wheel. The warm air rushes through the open windows, fluttering her hair. Grinning like a fool, I take one hand off the wheel to reach out and tuck her hair behind her ear so I can see her beautiful face, but as I do, her features turn from blissfully happy to absolutely terrified. Hannah’s scream tears through me as I slam on the brakes too late. The car spins out of control and I watch her head rebound off the side window, the glass cracking and spiderwebbing.
There’s the crunch of metal-on-metal. I’m propelled forward, and I cry out as the seatbelt cuts into my stomach. The airbags deploy. I shout Hannah’s name, but it sounds distorted and distant. Hannah isn’t moving. Why isn’t she moving? Her head rests against the passenger airbag, her hair covering her face like a curtain. I reach for her, but I’m pinned to my seat. My heart thumps painfully against my chest and my legs are on fire as I desperately try to unbuckle my seatbelt. Twisting my body, I feel cut in half and I scream from the searing pain.
“Hannah,” I shout. “Hannah. Talk to me!” Please be okay. Please, please be okay.
I reach over the console, ignoring the jabs of pain spearing through my body, as I inch to get closer to her. The tips of my fingers touch her hair, and I brush the strands from her bloodied face. The moonlight cuts across her delicate features, shimmering off her deathly pale skin and emerald green eyes. Eyes that are vacant, staring lifeless back at me.
“Nooooooooooooooo!” The howl rips through me, sobs shattering my chest apart.
A heaviness settles over my chest, as if weighed down by a brick wall, and I gasp for breath. This can’t be happening! Not Hannah! Tears flow down my cheeks. I close my eyes and pray for the darkness to take me.
“You did this to me, Oli,” Hannah whispers, her eyes still cold and empty.
I sit up, gasping for breath. My heart racing, I anxiously look around, trying to figure out where I am. Reality seeps back in. I’m on the couch. I was watching a movie. The living room is mostly dark, with only the soft glow from the television, the volume now low. Someone placed a blanket over me while I was sleeping, but it’s all twisted, and I push it off. My mouth is bone dry. I shudder, trying to shake off the nightmare.
Stumbling into the kitchen, I stick my face under the tap and turn on the water. As I guzzle down the icy liquid, my body shivers involuntarily, and I splash some water on my face before standing up. The clock on the oven says it’s just past four a.m. I sigh. There’s no way I’m getting any more sleep.Looks like another day of getting through school like a zombie.Luckily, I can still get away with playing the pity card when the teachers pull me up on it.I wonder when that’s gonna run out?
While I lace up my running shoes, my stomach clenches as I try to block out the vision of Hannah in the car.It’s a nightmare not reality.It won’t ever be a reality because there’s no way I’m getting behind the wheel of a car.
I want to FaceTime Hannah – desperate to see those mesmerising sparkling green eyes full of life. But it’s early and if I wake her, she’ll be pissed. I’ve never met anyone who loves their sleep as much as her. Not to mention, she would demand I tell her why I’m calling at this ungodly hour. The last thing I want to do it tell her about the nightmares.
The music from my AirPods drowns out the cacophony of thoughts as I pound the pavement on my usual route to the river. Some part of my brain knows if I were to call Hannah, she would be as bright and alive as the last time I saw her, so why do I feel so broken?Why does it feel like I’ve lost her already?
12
I toss and turn, thinking about the way Oliver reacted when Ashley brought up getting his licence. I get why he is hesitant to get behind the wheel of a car after the accident, but I also know he’s been talking about getting his licence and driving us around since we were fourteen when we used to beg Sam to drive us everywhere. Oliver would ride up front and ask Sam so many questions about the road rules and why Sam was giving way to one car, but the other car had to give way to him. He was determined to learn everything there was to know about driving before he got his licence.
The summer before Oliver got his learner’s permit, his dad taught him how to drive a manual, and he was so excited driving around the camp car park, learning how to change gears smoothly. Jake was still on his learner’s permit for another year after Oliver got his, and they used to fight constantly over who would get to drive the car whenever their parents wanted to go anywhere. I know how big of a deal it was for him.
When I wake up Monday morning, I make a mental note to talk to Jake and see if there’s anything we can do to try and help Oliver with his fear of driving a car. I need to do something to try and make things easier for him. If there’s anything else bothering him, he hasn’t wanted to share it with me. I can only try to fix what I know.
My phone buzzes as I’m getting ready for school. Smiling, I swipe right to accept the FaceTime call and Oliver’s face fills my screen, but my lips drop as I take in the dark circles under his eyes and his unkempt hair. His school tie hangs loose around his neck, and the top two buttons of his shirt are undone.
“You look like shit,” I blurt out, cursing myself as soon as the words fall from my mouth, but he looks like he hasn’t slept in a month. It wasn’t as noticeable yesterday because he didn’t take off his sunglasses.
“Thanks a lot,” he replies with a grin that resembles more of a grimace. “Just wanted to check in with you before school. You have a meeting with that girl after school, don’t you?”
My pulse quickens, but I have no idea if it’s because of the meeting with Tiana or because he cares enough to check in on me.“Uh, yeah, I do.”
He nods. His phone is resting against the mirror in his bathroom, and I watch as he runs some hair gel through his messy mop of hair. “Don’t let her push you around, okay? This has been your dream for two years. Make sure you’re 100% happy with the end product.”
I sigh. Confrontation is not my strong point, and he knows it.
“I mean it, Han.” Oliver pauses, staring into the phone. “Are you sure it’s not a setup by her friend? You could say something to your teacher if you think she’s not committed to the ‘zine. Or claim creative differences or something.” He shrugs.
“Yeah… I will.” My hesitation and small smile don’t fool him.
