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I ignore him.
He won’t let up though. “We all miss Dad. It’s normal. But you can admit you’re struggling. We’re all here for you.”
I throw the tea towel on the bench, shooting him another dirty look.
“Enough,” I hiss at him through gritted teeth. “I’ve told you I’m fine, and I mean it!”
Stalking over to the dining table, I interrupt Hannah mid-sentence. “Come on, I’ll walk you home. I need some fresh air.”
She gives my mum an apologetic smile before following me to the front door. “What was that about?” she asks, grabbing her school bag from where she dropped it just inside the front door.
I sigh as I open the door for her. “Jake’s just giving me a hard time.”
“About?”
Shaking my head, I ignore the twinge in my gut as I consider telling her about the nightmares but, in the end, I just reply with, “It’s nothing.”
We walk the two blocks to Hannah’s house in silence. I’m still fuming about what my brother said. He has no idea what’s going on in my head. I’m not struggling, I’m just…well, I’m not struggling. He needs to back off. My calves twitch. My legs are itching to run. I clench and relax my fists.
“Oli?”
“Huh?” I glance over at the curious look on Hannah’s face. “Sorry, what did you say?”
She chews on her bottom lip. “What are your plans on Sunday?”
My brain is still scrambling to catch up as I subconsciously run my tongue over my own lips.
“Uh… footy pre-season training and that’s about it. You?”
“Ash is coming over to hang out when she finishes work if you want to come join us?”
I nod. “Yeah sure, I’ll be over about four?” My heart thumps in my chest as Hannah’s face lights up with a smile. I take a step toward her. I want nothing more than to wrap her up in my arms, but instead, I give her an awkward high five. “See you Sunday,” I say jogging away before I can make a bigger fool of myself.
When I get around the corner, I stop and bury my head in my hands.Oh my God! A high five?! I’m such an idiot.
The sun is starting to set but I need to get rid of all this pent-up energy coursing through my body. I pull my AirPods out of my pocket and blast my running playlist as I push off towards the river, forcing my footsteps to match the beat of Birds of Tokyo’sUnbreakable.
11
My hair is still damp from my shower after football training as I let myself into the Robinson’s backyard. Hannah and Ashley are sitting on the edge of the deck in ripped denim shorts and bikini tops, sunning themselves in the afternoon heat. Hannah practically beams at me. I suck in a breath as my stomach swirls. Her long auburn hair is hanging in silky curls over her shoulders and I want to run my fingers through it.
“We were just talking about you.” Ashley grins at me and I chuckle.
“Oh yeah? Good things, I hope.” I raise my eyebrows, hoping to appear calm as I drop onto the grass opposite them.Has Hannah confided in Ashley about our kiss? How does she feel about it?I stretch my legs out in front of me; my muscles still tight from the sprints Chris made us do at the end of training.
“Always.” Ashley giggles and Hannah just shakes her head with a smile.
“So, what are these good things?”
“We were wondering when you’re going to get your licence so you can drive us around everywhere and be our slave.” Ashley wiggles her eyebrows at me, and I feel the smile slide off my face.
“Uh…yeah.” I scratch the back of my neck. I haven’t been able to get into a car since the accident, let alone get behind the wheel to go for my licence. “I dunno… I’ve got a lot on at the moment with school and footy, you know. I’ll get around to it eventually.”
“Come on.” Ashley pouts. She isn’t going to let it go and I feel sweat pool in between my shoulder blades, that has nothing to do with the late afternoon heat. “We’ve been waiting forever to have someone we know get their licence. Hannah’s not eighteen for like two more months and I have to wait another four months. You’re our only hope of freedom.”
I’m glad I have my sunglasses on as I squeeze my eyes shut, trying to block out the images of my dad and - from the nightmares - Hannah sitting motionless next to me in the driver’s seat, blood trickling out of their ears and down the side of their faces. I breathe in through my nose and out through my mouth.
“Ash,” Hannah’s voice is soft. “Let it go.”
