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Knocking on Jake’s bedroom door later that evening, I shift my weight from foot to foot waiting for him to invite me in. He’s sprawled on his bed watchingGame of Throneson his laptop. He raises his eyebrows when I drop onto the end of his bed, lying back with my arms folded under my head.
Pausing the episode, he places his laptop on his desk and lays down next to me. “What’s up?”
I swallow the lump in my throat. We haven’t hung out like this since Dad died. “I need some advice.”
“Yeah?” I can hear the amusement in my brother’s voice, and I elbow him in the guts. He grins at me, glancing over in my direction. “Sorry. How can I help?”
“It’s Hannah. I really screwed things up.”
“I figured as much.”
I groan at his smartarse commentary. “Not helping, Jake.”
Sitting up, his brow furrows as he looks down at me. “Listen, you and Hannah have been friends for a long time. She’ll come around.”
I rub my hands over my face. “She doesn’t trust me, and things are really awkward between us. It’s like we’re strangers. And it kills me because it’s all my fault.”
I take a deep breath. I’m nervous about coming clean to my brother. “Since Dad died, everything has been messed up. I’ve been messed up. Hannah was the only good thing I had, and I got scared. When I kissed her at my birthday, I was worried I’d stuff everything up and I’d lose her, so I pushed her away. But I couldn’t get her out of my head, I still can’t.” My stomach churns as I relive it all over again. “Then I met Sarah, and everything got even more messed up.”
“Shit.” Jake lets out a whistle, shaking his head.
“Yep.” I sit up, bringing my knees up to my chest. “What do I do? How do I get Hannah to trust me again? And not just for our friendship. I, uh, I want more than that with her.”
Jake stares at me and I squirm. I can’t take it back now. It’s out there. I like Hannah. I want to be with her. I twist my watch around my wrist and wait for Jake to snap out of it and tell me how to fix things.
He clears his throat. “I don’t know, Oli. But I probably wouldn’t try to rush her. That’s not really fair to her after everything that’s happened between the two of you.”
I wince. He’s right, but God, it’s so hard to be around her without wanting to hold her in my arms, wanting to feel her lips on mine again. Kissing Sarah was nice, but I hadn’t ever felt the fire in my stomach the way I had when I kissed Hannah.
Jake shrugs. “Maybe just talk to her. Be honest. Tell her how you feel.”
I squeeze my eyes shut. “What if she doesn’t feel the same? What if I ruin our friendship for good?” These are the same fears that made me push her away in the first place, but they’re still valid.
“That’s a chance you’re gonna have to take.” Jake nudges me. “But if worse comes to worse, you’ll move on and be alright. I promise. You’ve got me.” He grins. “We’re blood, I’ve got no choice but to forgive your sorry arse.”
I let out a snort, punching his arm. “Thanks a lot.”
“No worries.”
His comment about blood relatives reminds me of the conversation I overheard in the changerooms in the school gym yesterday.
“Hey Jake?”
“Yeah?”
“We were pretty lucky with Dad, weren’t we?”
My brother’s brow crinkles. “Yeah.” He drags the word out, confused at the direction this conversation is now taking.
“He never pushed us too hard. He just encouraged us to do the things we love.”
“What are you getting at, Oli?”
I scratch my head, trying to figure out what to say. “I think Joel’s Dad has been riding him pretty hard… putting a lot of pressure on him or something.”
“What makes you say that?”
“Just something I overheard at school today.” Sighing, I look over at Jake. “Joel was telling one of the guys on his team that they better win this week ‘cause he’s sick of his dad ragging on him. I dunno. It sounded kind of intense.”
