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He spreads his arms out indicating to Dad’s grave. “So, what was all this about then?”
“I haven’t been to see Dad since the funeral,” I mutter, ignoring my brother’s raised eyebrows. “I keep messing up, but I don’t want to anymore. I want to try and make it all right.” I clear my throat. “I’m going to keep seeing Eric. And Hannah and I are going to take a gap year. We’re going to travel overseas. I’m going to take some time to figure out what I’m going to do next.”
Jake lets out a whistle. “Wow. That’s great.” He claps me on the back. “I’m happy for you, man. It’s a great idea.”
I give him a small smile. “Thanks.”
We sit there, staring at dad’s grave, when Jake let’s out a snort of laughter. I look over at him.
“Remember the story Dad told us about when him and Mum went to Paris and got swindled by the artists at Montmartre?”
“He couldn’t believe he spent five hundred bucks on a silly caricature.” I grin. “Remember when we went to Perth for Aunt Kara’s wedding? Dad booked the cheapest flights he could find on the morning of, and we almost missed it.”
“Mum was so pissed!” Jake’s shoulders shake with laughter. “She used to get so frustrated with him and his cheapskate ways.”
“I miss him,” I say when our laughter dies down.
“Yeah,” Jake sighs. “Me too.” He clears his throat. “And we’d miss you, too. If you, uh, you know…”
My stomach clenches. “I told you, bro–”
“Yeah, I know what you said.” He claps me on the back. “I’m just saying.” He stands up and pulls me to my feet. “You don’t just have yourself to think about. You have me, Mum, Sam, and Hannah. Not to mention Macca and Ashley and JD. Just remember that.” He knocks into my shoulder. “C’mon. Let’s go get something to eat.”
∞
Mum cried when I told her everything that night. She was happy to hear Hannah and I were making plans for next year, and she was definitely relieved I was open to continuing to talk to Eric. But I think she was terrified about how close I had been to going down Joel’s path and worried I still might.
Things got busy after that. Hannah and I spent the winter school holidays working as much as we could to save for next year. I helped Mum out with paperwork at the Real Estate during the week and worked at my uncle’s fish and chip shop on the weekends.
When school went back, we were both working weekends, so Hannah and I would spend Monday, Wednesday, and Thursday nights together studying. Tuesday afternoons I had my sessions with Eric. We talked about Dad, about football, about my plans to travel. We didn’t talk about Joel. I wasn’t ready for that yet.
Before I knew it, it was September, and we only had two more months left before exams and the end of high school. It was also football finals, and my team had finished the season undefeated. There was a good chance they would be playing off against Joel’s team in the Grand Final if the next two weeks went as planned. Macca was amped. He was the captain now; I couldn’t hold it against him. But it still cut deep that I wasn’t out there leading the boys.
“I hope Finch’s hammy pulls up alright this week,” Macca is telling me and JD while he scrolls through his phone.
I wince. I would know Finch was having hamstring problems if I’d bothered to reply to any of my teammates text messages.
“We need him this week if we have any chance of shutting down the Saints forward line. We only just managed to hang on when we played them a few weeks ago.”
The three of us are sprawled in Macca’s living room on the first Saturday night in September. Hannah’s gone to visit her grandparents, and Ashley’s at the movies with her sister. It’s the first boy’s night we’ve had in a couple of months.
“I’m sure Chris is all over it,” I say, trying to keep my voice even. I don’t want my mates to know how hard it still is to be talking about footy. “You guys will make the Granny. Even if you lose this week, you’ve got the double chance. And,” I rush on quickly when Macca shoots me a murderous glare. “It’s better not to go in undefeated anyway. That way the boys aren’t too cocky, thinking they’ve won it before they even go into the game.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Macca can’t argue with that logic. We lost our under 15 Grand Final because of that exact reason. He keeps scrolling through his phone. “Did I tell you I got some interest?”
“Wh-what?” I push down the ball of jealousy that is bouncing away in my stomach. “That’s awesome, dude. AFL?” I sit up and offer him a high five.
He slaps my hand and shakes his head with a laugh. “Nah, man. You know I don’t have your skills. Victorian Football League. Port Melbourne and Williamstown.”
“That’s still an achievement you should be proud of.” I whack him with a cushion from the couch. He grins, grabbing it out of my hand and chucking it back at my face.
“Yeah, whatever. We’ll see what happens next year, I guess.” Macca rolls his eyes. “Too bad you won’t be around to have my back, bro.”
“I’ll be cheering you on from the other side of the world.” I look over at JD, praying he’d pick up on my need to change the topic of conversation. “So, how’s things going with Callum?”
JD struggles to keep the grin off his face. “Good,” he says. “We’re keeping things pretty lowkey until I graduate, but…” he ducks his head, his cheeks flushing pink. “He met my parents last night.”
“What?” Macca put his phone down. “That’s pretty epic. How’d it go?”
