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His eyes were full of rage and something else that had my chest tightening. Fuck. Whatever he had to tell me wasn’t going to be anything good.
“I did,” I agreed. “But I couldn’t let them get away. She’s my sister. I’d do anything to save her, including taking a bullet.” It may hurt, but I certainly didn’t regret a fucking thing. He could lecture me until he was blue in the face, and I wouldn’t cower or break. That was the funny thing about dealing with so much loss and grief as a child, you end up broken long before anyone else can break you.
“And look where it got you!” he thundered, standing up and pacing, muscles clenched as he had to fight not to shift from his anger. But even as his fury filled the space, I didn’t cower, not that I could since the pain was still fresh. If it weren’t for the damn bullet I’d stand toe-to-toe with him, show him that this wasn’t going to go his way. Meira was obviously gone still or he wouldn’t be doing this, so he’d better buckle in because I’d be going after her too.
“Did you save her?” My words hung between us, his walk halting as his eyes met mine. There was a hint of sympathy there, of pity, and I wanted neither. Tears burned my eyes as I rolled over, facing away from him and gritting my teeth. I didn’t just fail her, so did her fucking pack. Why would they not follow her, trail her, find answers?!
“They killed her, Vanya,” he said gently. “You’ve been out for almost a week while the doc repaired your shoulder and purged the poison, we had to bury her without you.” Each word was like a knife to my chest, twisting it deeper as he went on. His words might be gentle, but they were also detached. He’d come to terms with it, wrote her off, but I hadn’t.
“No,” I whimpered as the words truly settled in and my world crashed around me. “She’s all I have.” Our parents have been dead for many years now and she was all I had left. Even this pack meant nothing to me without her. My entire life meant nothing to me. If they thought I was a bitch before, just wait for Vanya with nothing to fucking lose.
Torryn said something but I just stared ahead as my pulse rushed through my ears, drowning him out. The moment he walked out and closed the door behind him, my sobs tore out of me with enough force I was sure a hole was ripped straight through my chest, right where I had been shot.
Every breath was painful as my body shook with a grief so strong I felt it in the depths of my bones. The hole in my chest was gaping now—though invisible—and I knew it would never go away. My life was forever changed, a moment of weakness had cost my sister her life and I would never forgive myself or my pack.
As sleep overtook me, I knew it would be a restless respite, but one I welcomed with open arms.
* * *
The next fewdays were a blur of sleep and sorrow. If not for our healer, Stella, and her brother, Harlan, I likely wouldn’t have eaten or moved.
Today I woke up stronger, my wolf finally free of the poison. The fact the attackers used silver said they were out for wolf blood. Yet Torryn didn’t come back to ask more questions or to say who it was. It seemed he was going to let this drag on as long as I needed, but what he didn’t bet on was the anger and hatred for him growing every day. He blamed me for not following orders, took no responsibility for his own actions or lack thereof, and that was pure weakness in my eyes. No leader should abandon their own like that. A pack member was taken and killed, how was that not reason enough to confront another pack, to demand answers?
When my front door opened and Stella walked in, she looked surprised to see me up, showered, and dressed. She was the motherly type, her long dress, kind eyes, and black and gray braid were all so familiar that I felt my chest clinch. She’d seen me through too much death at this point but had no clue how important her presence was to me.
“Take me to her grave?” I asked before she could utter a word in greeting. My voice was hollow, but it wavered at the word grave. Just saying the words out loud made this all a bit more real. And I knew seeing her name on that headstone, forever etched into the stone… would be the last straw.
“Oh honey, of course,” Stella promised. “Let me change your bandages first? Silver wounds can be tricky.”
Nodding, I shrugged out of my t-shirt and dropped into the living room chair, my bra and cami low enough that she could work. She had a gentle touch as she changed it out, putting on one of her special salves. I waited impatiently and from the hasty re-bandaging she did, she could tell I was only hanging on by a thread.
“Come on, sweetheart,” she said gently, gathering up her supplies before following me outside. “She’s in the old cemetery with your momma.” Evenhervoice broke now, a real pain there. She’d known us since we were kids, given us the same care when our mom died that she was showing me now. Our father died in a territory battle when we were young. She was all we had until high school. We were old enough they let us keep the house, someone checking in on us often. This felt like a repeat of that, the pain fresh once again.
The entire walk to the old cemetery, my pack had eyes on me. I didn’t meet a single gaze, staring at the ground as she led me through the main path and down past the alpha’s cabin.
The cemetery itself was generally gorgeous, but today it looked dull and dreary. The moon carvings and symbols on the tall stone pillars were faded and covered in moss. Wrought iron gates creaked ominous as we passed. Even the flowers and usual green grass seemed dull and lifeless. It was like the entire world was weeping for Meira. Fitting, because she was the kind of person who brightened the room when she walked in.
At this point I knew where I was going, I had from the moment she told me Meira was with our mom, I just didn’t want to face this alone. Stella seemed to know that; her voice gentle as she pointed out the fresh grave, the brown earth rounded in front of the shiny new headstone.
“I’ll be here if you need me,” she promised, turning and walking back to the entrance to give me a moment alone.
My eyes traced the etched words carved into her grave marker, my heart stopping as I read her name. This wasn’t right, she didn’t deserve this. How could this be real? I’d wake up from this nightmare any moment, right?!
“I’m so fucking sorry, Meira,” I whispered to her as I sank to the ground. Cold mud seeped through my jeans, chilling me to the bone. Goosebumps formed along my flesh but I paid it no mind. It was insignificant in comparison to this. “But why did this have to happen? Why am I forced to face the world alone?”
Of course there was no response, I was well and truly alone.
Hours passed as I sat there, telling Meira how much I loved her and didn’t want to do this without her. When the sun dipped low, footsteps finally approached. I knew it was Torryn before he sat beside me.
“You have to eat, Vanya,” he said. Food was the last fucking thing on my mind. Why were people always trying to feed others when they’re hurt or sad? No one wants to fucking eat when their world is torn to shreds.
“I have,” I argued, though I knew it had been too long in between. Plus, he still had yet to say how he was handling this. I wanted more than just ‘she was killed’. Answers weren’t too much to ask… not after what I’d been through. “What happens now?”
“With you?” he sighed. We both knew what the punishment was for disobeying an alpha command, a direct order. Something I’d suffered through more than once. The fact that pack law still demanded we take the claws of our leaders in order to make amends was fucking barbaric.This is why humans can’t know about us, they’d call us the monsters we fucking are.
“I have no choice,” he said almost defensively. And honestly, I believed him, but that didn’t change our pack law. These alphas could make changes, the truth was they didn’t want to. It was easier to not stir up trouble, not make yourself a target for the more bloodthirsty packs. But easy didn’t mean right. “You either face punishment, or exile, Vanya. Or I have one other solution.”
“And what is that?” My voice was harsher than intended and he smiled sadly ahead, not looking at me.
