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One year later
I can’t remember a time I’ve ever been this anxious. Okay, so that’s not true. I can remember a time very specifically, and it was right around one year ago. Funny that both cases involve me going to see Tess and her having no idea that I’m coming—I’m starting to see a pattern here.
When Courtney called and invited me to Tess’ graduation party at her mom’s, at first I thought it was a fucking joke. I mean, her mom hates me, or at least that’s what I thought at the time. And let’s not forget that Courtney was very clear that the boyfriend is still in the picture and would most definitely be there. I’m still not sure what exactly that means for me.
Truth is—even had Courtney not invited me—I had still planned to track Tess down in the coming days. I meant what I said to her about waiting, and even though it’s been difficult and I’ve found myself itching with impatience, I’ve managed to make it to the day when the excuses as to why Tess and I can’t be together are over.
We’ve both graduated college and while I love my job, if Tess told me that she didn’t want to move to California I’d give it up in a heartbeat. I’ve established enough experience that I’m confident I could find something comparable somewhere else if that’s what I need to do.
The only thing I really didn’t factor for was the boyfriend.I don’t know why, but I didn’t expect it to last nearly this long. The fact that it has is more than a little worrisome. In the back of my head, there is the voice asking me what I’ll do if she chooses him.
I try to shake off the thought, not even able to accept it as a possibility, and turn my gaze back out the window of the cab. It’s been so long since I’ve been to Rockfield, and while there is an air of familiarity as we drive through town, there’s also so much that has changed.
I tried to talk Ant into coming with me; I’d feel a lot better if I had someone to talk me down from the ledge I’m currently teetering on. He’s been staying in California with me the last few months, and while I could tell he wanted to come, I think he was hesitant to see Courtney again. I think he’s been just as hung up on her as I’ve been on Tess. Together we’re just a bunch of sorry ass saps. It’s pretty pathetic really.
Nervous energy bubbles in my stomach, and I have a hard time sitting still in my seat. I want to regret my decision to do this, convince myself it’s a bad idea and have this car turn around right now before I do something I’m going to regret, but I can’t. I can’t because I know at the end of this I’ll finally have my answer.
Will she or won’t she?
I’m done playing the games of our past. I’m done with the back and forth and the excuse that always seems to plague us—we’re in different places in our lives.
Well, not anymore. We are finally—for the first time since high school—on the exact same page. We’ve graduated college, both completed degrees at the school of our dreams, and now all that’s left is to decide if she’s coming to California with me or if I’m going to be packing up and relocating; something I’m more than willing to do if it means I get to be with Tess.
When the cab slows outside of Tess’ mom’s house I feel like I’m on the verge of having a heart attack. My chest throbs and my heart is beating so rapidly against my ribcage it’s a fucking wonder it hasn’t exploded yet.
There’s so many more factors than just seeing Tess. There’s also the other dynamic. The fact that a lot of our old friends will be here, as well as her boyfriend, and of course her mom; though, I’m not quite as worried about the last one—at least not anymore.
I knew there was no way I could come back here without first making peace with Elizabeth. It was a long overdue phone call, one I should’ve made nearly five years ago. Even though it took me that long to make it, Tess’ mom seemed to understand.
I knew at the end of that phone call that should Tess choose to be with me, her mom would fully support her daughter’s choice. I know she could tell how much I still love Tess. I think at the end of the day the most a parent can ask for is that their child finds the love and happiness that they’ve always dreamed they’d find. Well, a good parent anyway.
It takes a few seconds but after a couple deep calming breaths, I finally manage to pay the cab driver and climb out of the car on shaky legs.
As I make my way up the sidewalk I’m accosted by so many memories of my time spent in this small ranch. The first night I came here and how I’d barely watched the movie Tess had put on, spending more time with my eyes on the girl who was next to me. How I used to sneak over after Tess’ mom left for work; the nights that I would hold her until just before the sun peeked over the horizon and then I would slip out before her mom returned home.
Those are some of my favorite memories, the ones where it was just Tess and me. We would lay in bed for hours just talking about everything and yet nothing at all at the same time. She brought me a peace I hadn’t realized at the time I was looking for, a sense of belonging. Tess was my home… She still is.
I force my feet to keep moving, one after another until I’ve rounded the small house and the backyard comes into view. There’s more people than I expected—at least thirty or more—and the entire yard is set up like you would expect any summer cookout/party to look. Picnic tables line the back of the house with another table set up to the side covered in different foods—burgers, corn on the cob, fruit salad, and tons of other things.
There are two sets of cornhole boards set up at the back of the small yard, a group of people corralled around them as they toss bags and drink from beer bottles and blue plastic cups.
Suddenly wishing I had brought some food or drinks just to have something to hold, I shove my hands into my pockets and let my eyes wander the yard in search of Tess, staying far enough back that I don’t draw attention to myself. What I find instead is Courtney, and before I can even move she’s closing the distance between us.
“You made it.” She gives me a nervous smile, stopping directly in front of me. “I wasn’t sure if you would.”
“Honestly neither was I,” I admit, rocking back on my heels. “But I didn’t know when I’d get the chance to see her again, and I didn’t want to wait until it was too late.”
“Well, I’m glad you’re here.”
“I wouldn’t be if it wasn’t for you. I know Tess was pretty upset with you when you gave me her address last year. I can’t imagine that she’ll be very happy when she finds out you’re the one who invited me. So I just want to say thank you again—for everything.”
“I wouldn’t have done it if I thought there was another way. I don’t like sneaking around behind my best friend’s back like this.”
“I know. And I appreciate everything you’ve done for me. You really are an amazing friend. Not just to Tess, but to me as well.”
“Just remember that when I’m friendless after Tess realizes I had a hand in you being here,” she quips, a smile tugging at her lips.
“Any news on the job front?” I ask, knowing that will significantly hurt my chances if she’s already committed to something.
