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“I didn’t want you to get your hopes up,” she says almost apologetically.
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“It means that even though you don’t talk about Sebastian anymore, I know you still love him. And no matter how much you wish you could deny it, had I told you he was coming and then him not shown up, a part of you would’ve been devastated.”
I know she’s right. Of course, I do. But that doesn’t erase the sting I feel finding out after all this time that Courtney and Sebastian have been in contact behind my back. The fact that they’ve spoken at all since we parted ways leaves me with a sick sense of betrayal—even though neither of them really did anything wrong.
She claims it was just so she could tell Sebastian how I was. That he would call or text every few weeks just to check in. She says he always only ever talked about me, and he wanted to know everything I was up to each and every time they spoke. She said she could tell how miserable he was without me—how much he missed me—but she also said that eventually, the calls became less frequent.
What started as once a week turned into once a month and then once every three months to six months, and then he just stopped calling all together until recently.
I think that’s the part that bothers me the most. Thewhyhe stopped calling.
“But he did show up, and yet I’m still devastated. So what did you really accomplish other than keeping something from me that you knew I’d want to know?”
“I really am sorry, Tess. I was just trying to help.”
“Well, maybe next time you’ll see that what would really help is knowing that I can count on you to havemyback.”
“Come on, Tess, don’t be like that. Of course, I have your back. Why do you think I even took his calls to begin with?”
“I honestly don’t know,” I admit truthfully.
“Because I knew you’d want me to,” she answers simply. “You loved him so much—hell, you still do. I knew the last thing you wanted was for him to worry about you, to be sad, and god, Tess, he was—he was so sad. So I did what I thought you’d want me to do. I tried to give him some peace. I tried to reassure him that you were doing okay and that you were getting by. I tried to help him heal, Tess. Can you honestly say you would’ve rather me turned my back on him?”
“No.” I let out a loud breath, knowing she’s got me there.
“Exactly, because at the end of the day all you’ve ever wanted is for him to be happy. How could I have turned my back on that knowing how much it meant to you that he find peace and move on? I knew that even if you didn’t know I was talking to him that deep down you would’ve approved. I didn’t just do it for Sebastian, Tess, I did it for you.”
I don’t really know how to respond to that. Luckily, Courtney isn’t finished yet.
“Look, if you need to be mad at me, be mad at me. I get it. I should’ve given you a heads up that he asked for your address. I can see now that it would’ve been better for you to have been prepared and then disappointed rather than totally fucking blindsided. That’s my bad. I really was just trying to help.”
“I know.” I sigh, my anger quickly dissipating.
“So tell me again everything that happened.” I can hear the smile in her voice, knowing that I’ve forgiven her so easily, just she like she knew I would.
“I’ve already told you.”
“No, you yelled at me and rambled off some nonsense about Sebastian and Bennett and having no idea what you were going to do, and then you yelled at me again.” She chuckles.
“I did not yell at you.”
“You did so,” Court says matter of fact.
“Okay, maybe I did.” I smile, shaking my head. “But you deserved it.”
“That may be true, but it also doesn’t change the fact that I still have no real clue what the hell happened. Stop leaving me in suspense and spill, woman!”
And just like that, it’s as though nothing happened between the two of us. Courtney has this innate ability to know exactly what I need even when I don’t. She also knows how to explain herself in a way that makes me feel like I’m the one doing something wrong, which certainly doesn’t hurt her case when she’s trying to talk herself out of a corner.
I guess at the end of the day it really boils down to the fact that I know no matter what the circumstance, Court wouldn’t do something if she didn’t truly believe it was the right thing for me. And I trust her. Sometimes it takes me a minute to get there, but she always has a way of making me see it in the end.
So, after taking a deep breath and sorting my thoughts, I start at the very beginning. Knowing if I have any hopes of processing what happened here today, I’m gonna need my best friend.
