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“I didn’t say that.”
“You didn’t have to.” He shakes his head. “You saying yes was all the proof I needed.”
I want to argue it. Tell him I only said yes because he put me on the spot and I didn’t see a way I could say no, but I refrain because truthfully a part of me really did want to say yes. Bennett is a wonderful man and unlike Sebastian, he’s never hurt me. He’s supportive and reliable and all the things I had hoped to find in a person one day.
But the one glaring problem, the one thing that has always kept my heart at bay is that he’s not Sebastian.
“I just need some time,” I plead, my heart and my head clashing against one another.
My head says Bennett—he’s the smart choice, the safe choice.
My heart says Sebastian, knowing there’s no way anyone will ever make me feel the way he does. But I know what comes along with loving someone so intensely—you lose a part of yourself in the process.
“I’ve given you years, Tess.”
“Sebastian.”
“No,” he immediately cuts in, “I can’t do this. I can’t fight my way past a wall that you keep building faster than I can tear it down. Either you tell me now that I’m who you want—that this is what you want,” he gestures between the two of us, “or I’m going to walk away, and you’ll never see me again.” He waits a long moment before adding, “choose.”
“I can’t. I can’t just make a spur of the moment decision that will not only effect my life but the life of a man who is completely innocent in all of this. Bennett doesn’t deserve what you’re asking me to do, not like this. Please just give me some time.”
He stares at me for a long moment, the anger long gone, the sadness a distant memory, all that seems to remain now is acceptance. And that’s how I know there’s nothing more I can do.
I either choose him or I choose Bennett, and truthfully, I’m not ready to choose either. I’ve never felt so split, so torn between two things in my entire life. It’s like I’m two completely different people. The girl who loves Sebastian and the woman who loves Bennett.
No matter what choice I make, no matter what I do—someone loses. I lose. I can’t see a clear path, and yet I also can’t deny that out of the two there’s only one person I can’t see myself living without for the rest of my life, and that person is standing right in front of me, asking me to choose him. And yet, for the life of me, I can’t force the words out.
“I really hope the two of you will be happy together, Tess.” He lets out a slow breath, struggling to meet my gaze.
Seconds later a cab pulls up onto the curb next to us, slowing to a stop. And only then do I realize that this is really it. This is the moment that will define my entire future. And while the magnitude of what is happening is not lost on me, I still can’t seem to force out the words I know deep down I want to say…
Stay.
He reaches for the car door, throwing one last look over his shoulder—his eyes meeting mine for a fraction of a second before he’s uttering the words I’ve heard more times than I care to admit, and yet their effect on me never lessens.
“Goodbye, Tess.”
I don’t remember him climbing into the car. I don’t even remember the car driving away. All I know is that when Courtney yells at me from the front porch what feels like several minutes later, I’m still standing on that curb, watching the love of my life drive away as if the car is still in view—knowing this time Sebastian has no intention of ever coming back.
