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I pull Tess closer, kiss her harder, afraid that the moment I open my eyes she’ll be gone; that this will have all just been some cruel dream, and I’ll wake up to find myself staring at the same painful reality that I was yesterday. That I’ve lost her forever.
Only I know that’s not true. I can feel it in my bones, in the way blood pumps through my veins, in the trail of heat Tess’ touch brings to the surface; I know it’s real. And while it’s still hard to wrap my head around—I know she really is here, touching me, kissing me, whispering she loves me against my lips.
It’s everything I’ve dreamed of since the moment I lost her. Only now I appreciate it all a little more. The sweet noises she makes when my tongue slides against hers. The way her fingers tangle in my hair. The way her body responds to me as if it were made for my touch. All things I took for granted before. All things I overlooked because I thought they’d always be there. These are the things I’ve missed most of all.
When we finally break apart, my forehead resting against hers, our breathing labored and hearts clamoring, there are no words left to speak. Even after all this time, Tess still knows me better than anyone has ever known me. And right now, she knows that every single word I’ve said to her over the past couple of years has been true. I know she can feel it— she can feel me, just as I can her.
It’s strange to go from the lowest of lows to the highest of highs in the matter of minutes, but that’s what Tess has always done to me. I wish I could say it scares the hell out of me to have a person hold so much power over me, honestly, it probably should. But in this moment, with Tess pressed against me—her blue eyes boring into mine, her soft hair on my fingertips—fear is the absolute last thing I feel.
Maybe it’s because I’m a glutton for punishment. Maybe it’s because I truly believe that Tess is the person I’m meant to spend my life with. Or maybe it’s because no matter the outcome, having Tess even for a short time is better than not having her at all.
Every moment, every touch, every kiss is a blessing that I will never take for granted. Because at the end of the day I know what it means to live without her, and I never intend to do it again.
