AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Sebastian,” she chokes, her voice clogged with emotion.
“I can’t do this, Tess. I can’t. Your mom was right.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “She trusted me with your safety, and I betrayed her—and you. But it’s not just about that night. It’s what that night made me realize.” I take both of her hands in mine. “You loved me so much you were willing to give up everything to be with me, including Columbia. And, Tess, I would’ve let you. I would’ve let you follow me around and live my dream never once considering what you were giving up for me. I refuse to do that to you. You deserve more, Tess. You deserve so much more, and even if it kills me I’m going to make sure you get it.”
“I just want you,” she sobs, the action splintering my already cracked heart.
“And I just want you. But I can’t let you give up everything you’ve worked so hard for. I won’t. I love you, Tessa Wilson. I love you like I’ve never loved another person in my entire life. But I have to let you go. I have to. I just need you to let me go, too.”
“I don’t know how,” she whimpers, her shoulders shaking as sobs rake her body.
“Neither do I,” I admit. “But I choose to believe that this is not goodbye forever. You are a part of me now, Tess, and no matter where life takes us or how much time stretches between us, that is one thing that will never change. You showed me what it means to be loved and to love someone—really love someone—and for that, I will be eternally grateful. I’m just sorry I couldn’t say all this to you weeks ago, but I’m saying it now. I love you, Tess. I love you so fucking much.”
I lose the battle not to pull her into my arms. Within seconds she’s against my chest, her tears soaking the thin fabric of my t-shirt as she clings to me like her life depends on it, and damn it if I don’t let her. Because I feel it too, knowing that the moment she lets go my world is going to be a hell of a lot darker, and I’m just not sure I’m ready for that yet.
This isn’t how I intended for it all to go down. In a way, I think I hoped by shutting her out she would grow to hate me which would make leaving her that much easier. Now I see how wrong I was. Having her hate me was never the solution. I should’ve just been honest with her from the start, told her the truth about why I pushed her away, but honestly, I don’t know if I would’ve had the strength before now.
I’m not sure how long we stand there, wrapped in each other’s arms, saying a silent goodbye that neither of us really wants, but I think both acknowledge that we need.
By the time we finally pull apart the parking lot is almost empty and there’s a sudden heaviness around us, like the weight of everything has leaked into the very air we breathe.
Without a word, I help her into my Jeep and we make the quick drive to her house in silence. I make sure to park a few houses down when we finally reach her street, not wanting her mom to see her with me.
Tess stares out the window blankly for several long moments before she finally speaks, not once looking in my direction. “I don’t think I can do this, Sebastian,” she admits, her voice weak.
“You can, Tess. We can,” I reassure her, not sure who the hell I’m trying to convince.
“I’ll miss you every single day.” She chokes on another sob working its way out of her throat. “Every day,” she repeats, taking a deep shaky breath and letting it out slowly, her eyes still fixed out the window. “I love you.” The last part is a strangled cry as she quickly climbs out of the Jeep and takes off down the sidewalk not once looking in my direction.
I watch her walk away, letting go of the emotion I’ve been fighting to keep in from the moment her voice sounded behind me. I cry for the girl I love, for her pain, for mine. I punch my steering wheel and curse myself until my voice is hoarse, and my eyes feel so heavy I don’t know if I can manage to keep them open any longer.
I cry until I simply have no tears left to fall, and then I do the only thing I can do; I take one last deep breath and drive away. Leaving behind the only girl I’ve ever loved, praying like hell I made the right choice for not just her, but for me as well.
