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It’s a beautiful day, one of those days where everything just feels right. The sun is shining brightly overhead, not a cloud in the sky, and the normally crowded campus is calm and relaxed; only students taking summer classes staying behind for the season.
Days like this don’t happen often, at least not for me. Days where it feels like all the stars have aligned and there’s a clearing in the distance where I can see all my hopes and dreams within my grasp.
Normally I would be one of the students heading to or from class, but this year I decided after two full years of classes not to enroll in summer courses. I’m already a full semester ahead of my other classmates and to be honest, I need the time off.
I stayed behind so Bennett could finish up some last minute coursework and then I’ll be bound for the beaches of North Carolina for two full weeks of fun in the sun before heading home for a month to spend time with my mom and Courtney, who should be arriving in Rockfield a week before me.
Bennett talks excitedly about our upcoming trip, telling me all about his favorite restaurants and how he can’t wait to show me where he grew up. I was apprehensive about joining him at his parents’ house for the two-week trip when he first asked me, but since then the idea has grown on me. The more time I spend with him the more I forget about all the reservations I had when we first started dating six months ago.
He wasn’t expected and a new relationship certainly wasn’t what I was looking for, but after pursuing me for weeks I finally caved and agreed to a date. I mean, why was I so scared to date again anyway? Date… It was like the dirty, unspoken word that I avoided at every turn.
I guess deep down I believed that no one would ever fill Sebastian’s shoes, that everyone would pale in comparison to the first boy who ever owned my heart. But slowly over time, I realized that I didn’t need to fill the void left by Sebastian. I needed to embrace that it was a part of me and find a way to live with it.
So needless to say Bennett wore me down. Day by day with his warm smile and chocolate eyes, he broke down the walls that had once guarded my heart so fiercely. I don’t know when my fondness of him morphed into something more. It was slow growing but the realization had hit me at all once, and I spent two hours on the phone crying to Bree over it.
It felt like a betrayal—like I was doing something wrong—but after a while, Bree finally made me see that I wasn’t replacing Sebastian; I was simply letting him go. And hadn’t that been what I wanted all along?
“I can’t wait to take you out on the water. You’re going to love it. I can’t believe you’ve never been jet skiing.” Bennett bounces next to me, his hand wrapped around mine.
I look up to see him watching me, a wide grin on his handsome face.
“You’ll have to go easy on me.” I return his smile, knocking my shoulder against his.
Bennett is one of those people who you just can’t help but be attracted to. In addition to his obvious good looks—dark hair, warm brown eyes, a lopsided smile that shows off the smallest hint of two matching dimples, and a body that’s toned and broad from the years he’s spent surfing and sailing—he’s also one of the most genuine people I’ve ever met. Nothing about him is complicated or hard. He wears his heart on his sleeve, and I never feel like there’s anything he’s keeping from me; no part of himself that he has hidden in the shadows.
“I will warn you,” he continues, sliding his aviator sunglasses down on his face to shield his eyes from the sun, “my sister Brittany can be a bit of a handful. She means well, but I can’t promise that she won’t follow us around the entire time we’re there.” He chuckles, the sound vibrating deep in his chest. “She’s done it since we were kids.”
“I think it’s sweet. I would probably do the same thing if I was her age and had a brother like you.”
“She’s a good kid but sometimes I just need some alone time, and I’m definitely going to want some this time around.” He winks at me, and even though he’s wearing sunglasses I can see the action clearly through the tinted lenses.
My cheeks flush and I quickly look away. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to talk about sex in a comfortable manner. I don’t know why that is. Maybe it’s because it feels like something that should only be discussed behind closed doors, or maybe it’s because we’ve just recently become intimate and it just feels too new to really talk about out loud.
For the longest time, I didn’t know if I’d be able to go through with it, sleeping with someone who wasn’t Sebastian. It was something I struggled with for quite a while, and even after we did sleep together that first time I had a really hard time looking at myself in the mirror for a couple of days.
This entire process has been a really big step for me, and even though it’s been difficult, I wouldn’t take it back. Bennett has brought me back to life in a sense. His contagious smile and carefree attitude make me realize that sometimes you need to just give a little and not take life so seriously.
We’ve just rounded the corner of my dorm building when I feel the shift in the air. Goose bumps erupt across my skin and my stomach twists, a tight knot instantly forming. I don’t understand the feeling right away. That is until I look up and find myself staring directly into a pair of bright hazel eyes, eyes I wasn’t sure I’d ever see again.
“Sebastian?” I don’t even realize I’ve spoken until his name is off my lips, thrown into the wind that seems to have picked up around us.
I stop abruptly, causing Bennett to stop next to me.
I feel disoriented, so caught off guard by his appearance that I’m not sure if it’s actually happening or if I maybe fell and hit my head and am just dreaming this whole thing up.
“Sebastian?” I hear Bennett question behind me.
I don’t have to look at him to know he sees what I’m looking at—or should I say who—though I doubt he would have any clue who he is had I not said the name. He’s only seen Sebastian once and that was in an old picture that he came across stuffed in the bottom of a desk drawer in my dorm room.
I can tell by the way his hand tightens around mine that even if he doesn’t know for sure it’smySebastian, he definitely suspects it.
Sebastian’s eyes bounce from our adjoined hands to my face and back again, a slight tick in his jaw as he stands motionless just a couple of yards from us. I can see the struggle in his eyes, the uncertainty of what he should do next, but then he blinks and an easy smile quickly falls into place as he closes the distance between us.
“Hi, Tess.”
It’s just a statement, a simple greeting, and yet I feel like he’s said so much more. I don’t know how long I stand there, jaw on the ground, still trying to figure out if he’s actually here.
I can feel Bennett’s eyes on the side of my face, but I can’t force a single thing to come out.
