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Six years earlier
“Bree! Get your ass over here, bitch!” I hear Courtney scream at me from across the small restaurant the second I step through the front door.
I look over to see a small group of our friends already gathered at our normal table at Perchatellies, where we meet every Friday after there’s a home football game. I smile, trying to swallow down the heavy knot in my throat as I cross the small resturant toward them.
“Where’s that boyfirend of yours?” Ant asks me the moment I slide into the large booth next to him.
I shrug, trying to appear completely unaffected even though I feel like I’m seconds away from spewing the contents of my stomach all over the table in front of me.
“Not sure, I haven’t talked to him yet. He’s probably still at work.”
“Work.” Ant snorts. “Does he ever actually work?” he jokes.
“Doubtful,” I agree, shaking my head on a forced laugh.
“Where the hell were you tonight?” Courtney cuts in, leaning into Ant as she talks over him. “I thought you were coming to the game. You realize this is the second one in a row you’ve missed.”
“Sorry, I had some stuff going on at home,” I say, using an excuse I know Courtney will understand.
Her expression instantly falls and she shoves her long brown hair over her shoulders and leans further over Ant.
“Everything okay?” she whispers, her eyes studying my face.
I know how lucky I am to have a friend like Courtney, but telling her the truth right now is the absolute last thing I want to do. So I simply nod and mouth “Mom,” knowing she’ll just assume that my mom was drinking again and I had to take care of the aftermath.
I hate lying to her. I hate using my alcholic mother as an excuse for anything because I know how protective Courtney and Tess get about the whole thing. But telling her the truth—uttering the words I still don’t fully comprehend myself—is just too much right now.
I can feel Ant’s eyes on the side of my face, and I hate that he’s witnessing our little exchange. I don’t typically air my dirty laundry out there for the world. Something about having him watch me makes me feel exposed—vunerable—and I hate it. I hate feeling like someone other than Tess or Courtney can see the scars I try so hard to keep hidden.
And while yes, Ant and I have been friends for quite some time, we don’t have that kind of friendship. The kind where I tell him about my fucked up home life or the shit I’ve had to battle my way through.
Courtney takes my answer without a moments hesitation, nodding only once before changing the subject to a much less serious note.
I let out a silent breath, thankful that she always seems to know just what I need.
“So Ant had two touchdown catches tonight.” She smiles up at her boyfriend and an instant bout of jealousy runs through me.
I’m happy for my friend, of course I am, but I’d be lying if I said that seeing my two best friends so in love doesn’t make me once again feel like the odd person out. It also doesn’t help that I have harbored a massive crush on the guy she’s currently head over heels for. Of course, I would never, ever, tell her that.
I’ve convinced myself it’s nothing because Ant and I are friends. I’ve learned to look past the physcial attraction I have to him. And sure, he flirts with me just like he does everyone else, but I know him well enough not to take it seriously. He’s clearly just as into Courtney as she’s into him.
And then, of course, I have Blake.
Even just thinking it sours my stomach. Blake. I don’t even know how I feel about him anymore.
“Oh yeah. That’s awesome.” I shake off the thought and force a smile, my attention pulled across the table when Sebastian chimes in.
“Only because I threw them right into his hands,” he boasts playfully.
“Fuck you, dude.” Ant picks up a sweetner packet from the center of the table and chucks it at Sebastian. “If you threw them right to me then why did I end up eating the back of the endzone diving for one.”
“So sensitive,” Sebastian laughs, catching an elbow to the ribs from Tess who hits him with scolding eyes. “He knows I’m just messing with him.” He grins at her, dropping a kiss to the tip of her nose.
The conversation continues around me, but my mind is immediately drawn back to my current situation, and while I smile and laugh in all the appropriate parts, I couldn’t be further away from what’s happening around me if I tried.
I try to think back to the beginning of my relationship with Blake, the thing that started all of this. I remember being happy. I mean, I think I was happy. Things were great between us. So great in fact that I truly thought maybe, just maybe, I had found my person and that the universe wasn’t conspiring against me.
Wrong again.
