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I opened up to him in a way I had never opened up to anyone outside of Tess and Courtney. I just wish I had known who he truly was before that happened. And while I know that what I’m allowing him to do to me is wrong, I just can’t seem to walk away from him either.
Every time he puts his hands on me, I swear to myself it will be the last. But then he comes crawling back the next day begging for forgiveness, promising he’ll never do it again, and I just can’t seem to turn him away even though I know every word he utters is a lie. False promises, ones we both know he’ll never keep.
I guess in a way I feel like I deserve it. Like somehow this is my punishment for things I was too young to control but still blame myself for. And now there’s the news I found out today. The news I can’t let myself even think.
A baby?
The thought slips in despite my effort to hold it at bay, and I instantly feel the emotion boil behind my eyes. My hand slides across my stomach subconsiously, and I look down realizing what I’m doing.
Instantly pulling my hand away, I try to reemerse myself into the conversation, but I just can’t seem to get my mind to stick there. It’s hard, being the same age as everyone around me and yet feeling like none of them have any clue how cruel life really can be.
Like why did I get the shit end of this deal? Why does everyone around me seem so happy while I’m falling apart on the inside?
All I want to do is steal a bottle of vodka from my mom’s stash and drown in it, but even that I can’t do anymore. Maybe it’s for the best; like mother like daughter is not a statement I ever want to be said about me and the woman who gave birth to me.
It’s hard even calling her mom most days. What kind of mother allows the things to happen to her child that she allowed? What kind of mother chooses a drink and a man over her child?
“You good?” I hear Ant say next to me seconds before his elbow gently nudges my side. I look up to see him staring at me with a curious look on his face. Courtney in deep conversation with Aria, the girl sitting next to her.
“Yeah.” I force another smile, probably my hundreth of the night.
“You haven’t even touched your food.” He nods toward the plate in front of me where I’ve only pushed my salad around with my fork, not even sure if I’ve actually taken a bite.
“Just not hungry I guess.” I shrug, dropping my fork.
“You sure that’s it?” The look he gives me makes my insides seize up. It’s like he knows exactly what I’m thinking—what I’m feeling—even though I haven’t said a word on the matter.
I hate to think I’m that transparent; then again it’s only Anthony who seems to be able to read me so easily.
“Yeah.” I quickly nod, fishing some bills out of my back pocket and dropping them on the table before quickly standing.
Ant follows the movement with his eyes, not the least bit surprised by the action despite how abrupt it probably seems to everyone else.
“Where are you going?” I hear Court ask, and I look up to see her watching me curiously.
“Blake just text, said he’s home.” I wiggle my eyebrows and smile wide, delievering the perfect performance.
I can tell instantly that everyone buys it, everyone but Ant that is. I ignore his penatrating gaze and focus on Court and the wide smile that pulls up her lips.
“I see how it is. Ditch your friends for some dick,” she jokes.
“You know how much I love the D,” I laugh, throwing a half wave over my shoulder as I quickly walk away, not waiting to hear what anyone else may or may not have to say.
By the time I finally reach the sidewalk, I feel like I’m about to sufficate. I suck in the cool evening air like I can’t get it into my lungs fast enough. Walking to the right, I stop next to a street lamp post and double over, pretty certain I’m gonna vomit all over the sidewalk at any second.
Morning sickness already? It’s my first thought. I’ve heard it hits you out of nowhere, but if this is related to the pregnacy then why does it feel like it’s radiating from somewhere completely different.
Tears prick the back of my eyes as everything begins to settle over me.
I’m pregnant.
I choke on a small sob, trying to pull myself together.
I’m going to have a baby.
I’m only sixteen.
How can this be happeneing right now?
