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“What do you mean?” I ask, stepping to the side when an older lady passes by us on her way to the bathroom.
“I don’t know. I just, I don’t think I ever really dealt with the breakup, at least not the way I should have. I’ve thought about him a lot over the years, wondered what might have been. Then seeing Tess and Sebastian so happy after all those years apart I thought maybe…”
“That you and Ant might get a second chance as well,” I finish her sentence, the guilt swimming in my stomach almost too much to bear.
“Something like that.” She gives me a weak smile that doesn’t reach her eyes.
“Hey, there you are.” Sebastian suddenly appears around the corner, stopping next to Courtney. “Have either of you seen Ant?”
“I haven’t.” I’m the first to respond. “I thought he was with you.”
“He was. He dipped out when I was talking to his mom’s friend, and I haven’t seen him since.”
“Maybe he’s upstairs,” I offer. “I can go check.”
“I’ll come with you,” Court offers, but Sebastian quickly interjects.
“Actually, Tess is looking for you.”
“Okay.” Courtney nods, eyeing him curiously for a moment before turning her attention back to me. “Let me know if you can’t find him or if you need anything,” she says, spinning on her heel before taking off toward the front of the house.
“I’m gonna go see if I can track him down,” I say, turning.
“He’s in his old bedroom. Up the stairs, third door on the right.” His voice halts my movement, and I look back over my shoulder to see his face lined with apology. “I’m sorry. I needed a way to get you alone. I’ve never seen him in the condition he’s in right now and, honestly, I think you’re the only person who can probably get through to him. I’ve tried everything, but he won’t talk to me.”
“I don’t know what makes you think I’ll have any more luck than you. He’s been shutting me out for days.”
“Can you at least try? Please. I’m really worried about him.”
“Of course, I will,” I say, giving him a soft smile before taking off up the stairs without another word.
I take the stairs two at a time, not stopping until, per Sebastian’s directions, I arrive at the third door on the right. I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, raising my hand to lightly rap my knuckles against the painted wood.
I don’t expect an answer, so I’m not surprised when one doesn’t come. Instead, I twist the knob, surprised to find it unlocked, and slowly push the door open.
“Ant,” I say softly, instantly spotting his broad frame hovering next to a large double window along the back wall of the room.
Quietly closing the door behind me, I slowly make my way across the bedroom that while bare, still holds some indicators that it once belonged to a teenage boy. There are a couple old football posters still on the walls, an old bean bag chair tossed in the corner, and a couple sports trophies lined atop a shelf hanging on the wall.
“Hey.” I step up behind him, resting my hands gently at his sides. “You doing okay?” I ask, feeling a shudder run through his body seconds before his arm pulls back and the picture I didn’t see in his hand goes flying through the air, the glass frame shattering seconds later as it connects with the wall.
I take a large step back as he turns, not really sure what to expect, but when I see the pure anguish on his face it takes everything in me to hold myself together. He looks at me for a long moment, defeat the most prominent emotion on his face, before his legs give out beneath him. He falls to his knees on a hard thud, a strangled cry escaping his throat.
It’s only seconds before my arms are around him, cradling him as tightly as I can against my chest as silent sobs wrack his body. It’s one of the most painful things I’ve ever experienced—seeing my strong, confident man fall apart in my arms and knowing there’s not one thing I can do to take away his pain.
I’ve been in his shoes, felt the pain and guilt that physically rip you apart, but nothing could’ve prepared me for how strongly Ant’s pain would become my own. I feel him, I grieve with him, and I pray to God I’ll have the power to pull him through when it’s all said and done.
