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I don’t realize I’m not alone until a pair of hands settle on my shoulders, spinning me around. The next thing I know my face is pressed against a hard chest and comforting arms are around me.
I know it’s Ant without even looking up. I’ve memorized his touch, his scent. My body recognizes him even when my mind doesn’t.
I give myself a minute. One long minute to revel in his embrace before I’m pulling back and looking up at him, thankful that the tears that were so close to spilling over never actually did.
“What are you doing out here?” It’s the only thing I can think to say.
“You may think you have the world fooled, Bree Kingsley, but I see you.” His words are like ice in my veins, freezing me in place. “Something is clearly going on with you,” he observes. “And if you don’t want to talk about it that’s on you, but I couldn’t just let you walk away without at least making sure you were really okay.”
“That’s sweet, Ant, really.” I take a full step back. “But I’m good. Just got a lot on my mind.”
“You sure it’s nothing I can’t help with? I’ve been known to offer a pretty good ear when needed.”
“I appreciate that, really I do, but I’m good,” I insist, having to fight my sudden urge to just tell him the truth.
I want so badly to say it out loud but doing so would be admiting to the world that maybe I’m not as different from my mom as I like to think I am, and that’s not something I’m ready to face just yet.
She, afterall, got pregnant with me at the young age of fifteen. Maybe that’s why multiple boyfriends came knocking on my bedroom door once she was passed out drunk—because in reality they weren’t all that much older than me.
“Can I at least give you a ride home?” Ant breaks into my self-destructive thoughts.
“That’s not neccesary. I’m sure Courtney is expecting you back.”
“Actually, she’s not. She’s heading back to Tess’ tonight, so Sebastian is dropping them off on his way home. I’ve already said my goodbyes.” He pauses before repeating, “Let me give you a ride home.”
“I don’t want to go home.” I don’t mean to say the words, but they flood out just the same.
“Okay, then let me take you somewhere else,” he offers. “Anywhere.”
“I don’t have anywhere else to go right now.” I scuff my foot against the pavement, looking down at my shoes rather than at Ant.
“Look.” He steps forward, his hand reaching out to tip my chin up so that I’m forced to meet his gaze. “You clearly have got some shit going on. You don’t want to talk about it right now, that’s fine. But at least let me take you somewhere. Maybe it will help to not be alone.”
“Why are you doing this?” I wish my heart didn’t sink a little when he simply answers, “Because you’re my friend.”
He gives me a soft smile. “Come on. There’s a place I always go whenever I just need to say fuck the world and sort through my shit.” He offers me his arm, and I swear a good thirty seconds pass before I finally link my arm through his and let him lead me toward his truck.
We don’t talk on the ride to wherever we’re going. Ant taps his fingers quietly on the steering wheel to the beat of the music playing softly from the speakers, and I keep my gaze trained on the window.
Rockfield really is such a peaceful place. I don’t know why I’ve never really noticed until this exact moment as we pass the silent streets and empty sidewalks on our way out of town.
We drive for a few more miles, the landscape morphing to open fields and small unlined back roads. When Ant pulls off into a small patch of gravel, seemingly in the middle of nowhere, I throw a curious look in his direction.
“We’re here,” he announces, giving that incredible smile of his.
“Here?” I question, looking around at the nothing that surrounds us. “We’re nowhere.” I shake my head, meeting his gaze once more.
“Exactly.” He nods, climbing from the truck before crossing around to the passanger side. Pulling the door open, he helps me out of the cab and then leads me to the back. Pulling down the tailgate, he hops up into it before offering me his hands.
I eye him skeptically but then finally cave, securing my hands in his as he hoists me up into the bed of the truck. Taking a seat on the tailgate, he taps the spot next to him. Even though I’m completely confused by why he brought me all the way out here, I don’t hesitate claiming the spot next to him, my legs hanging over the back.
“I don’t…” I start, instantly cut off by Anthony.
“Shhh. Just listen,” he says, leaning back and tucking his arms behind his head.
“What am I listening for?” I ask after a long moment, finally mirroring his actions and laying back next to him.
“Nothing,” he states simply, eyes on the sky. “That’s the point. Out here there is nothing. Not one single thing. No one to impress. No masks to wear. No expectations to live up to. Out here is the one place where I feel like I can breathe.” He lets out an audible exhale.
I open my mouth to respond but then quickly snap it closed, deciding to just embrace the moment rather than fight it.
I take a deep breath and let it out slowly, letting my eyes wander over the countless number of stars overhead. The silence is deafening. I bask in it and let go of everything raging inside me. I let it all go and focus on nothing and yet everything at the same time.
Funny how Anthony, of all people, seems to know exactly what I need when I don’t even know myself. I turn my head slightly to catch his face still turned toward the sky, eyes closed, breathing even, and I let myself, for the first time maybe ever, imagine a world where Ant and Courtney are not a couple. A world where maybe I could be the girl on his arm.
And while I know that will never and could never happen, I let myself pretend for just a moment because right now pretending is all I have left. And not just with the guy I wish were mine, but with a future I now know will never be what I had hoped for.
