AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“It did. But it’s not all sunshine and roses. There are a lot of wounds from our past that I still feel daily. I’m still afraid that one day something is going to happen that’s going to send him running again. Things feel perfect now but then again, they felt perfect back then too. One day we were happy, in love, the next I was in the most excruciating pain of my life and it came on with no warning. He was there and then he wasn’t.”
“But Sebastian isn’t the same boy he was back then. I think you’ve both grown and learned from your experience. You know what it feels like to be without each other. I think that’s enough to keep him right where he is.”
“I know. And a part of me knows he won’t leave me again. But the other part of me will always be waiting for that other shoe to drop. I don’t know if that will ever truly go away. It may lessen with time, but I think it will always be there in the back of my mind.”
“And yet you’re here. You came back for him knowing you would have to live with that doubt?”
“Because it’s better to have some doubts and have him in my life than have no doubt and not. He’s worth it. He’s worth the risk. It took me a while to see that, but now I don’t think anything has ever been clearer. My life is better with Sebastian in it. Plain and simple.”
“My life is better with Ant” I admit out loud, pushing past the sudden tears that burn the back of my eyes. “I didn’t realize what I was missing in my life until he came back into it. He brought a joy with him. He made me laugh every day. Watching him with Jackson was like watching a father and son, because even though he isn’t Jack’s father, I think a part of him wanted to be.”
“He loves that boy. Anyone can see that.”
“He begged me not to take Jack from him,” I say, having not yet divulged exactly how everything ended between us, only that it had. “It killed me. It kills me.”
“You did what you thought was right,” Tess tries to reassure me, but even I can tell it’s for my own benefit and not because it’s true.
“Did I? And if so, who was it right for? Courtney still hates me. I’m miserable. Jack’s miserable. I thought I was doing what was right, now I’m not sure I know what that is anymore. And now it’s too late to change any of it.”
I take a deep breath, willing myself not to cry. Leaning forward, I grab my wine glass off the coffee table in front of me and take a long pull.
“It’s not too late,” Tess disagrees.
“How do you figure?” My question is laced with defeat. “Ant is… well, who the hell knows where he is. He won’t answer my calls. He won’t text me back. I think it was too late the moment I left him standing on that front porch.”
“You don’t know that,” she soothes.
“Yes I do, Tess. You didn’t see the look on his face that day. You didn’t see his heart physically break when I told him it was over. I don’t think I’ve ever seen someone so hurt in my entire life.”
“But that should also tell you how much he loves you. A man like Anthony doesn’t give his heart easily. I don’t think he’s going to take it back that easily either.”
“I told him about everything.” I meet Tess’s surprised gaze.
“Everything, everything?” she asks, knowing exactly what I’m referring to.
“Everything,” I confirm.
“Wow. That’s a huge step for you. How did he react?”
“Exactly like I hoped he would.” I blow out a breath, unable to hold the tears in any longer as two slide down my cheek in quick succession, one after the other. “He was supportive and caring. If he was repulsed by me or what I did, he didn’t show it.”
“Why would he be repulsed by you?”
“You know why.” I give her a knowing look.
“Bree, we’ve talked about this. You were just a child. Your mind has a way of adapting, of surviving; that’s all you were doing. You’re a survivor.”
“And that’s exactly how he made me feel. In that moment I felt no shame. No regret over telling him the truth. I needed to connect with him on a deeper level, to make him understand that I understood his pain; that I knew what it was like to love someone and have that love betrayed in the most vicious way possible.”
“I’m really proud of you.” Tess reaches over and squeezes my hand, releasing it almost instantly. “I know that things are a mess right now and while I don’t agree with a lot of the choices you made, I am very proud of the person you’ve become.”
“The one who screws over friends and lies to everyone,” I huff, finishing off the remainder of my wine.
“No, the one who finally opened her heart to the possibility of love. You let someone in, Bree. For the first time in ten years, I saw your wall crumble and someone step right over the rubble. I’ve known you nearly my entire life, and I’ve never seen you light up the way you did when Ant would walk in a room. You love that man as much as he loves you, and at the end of the day I think that’s something pretty special.”
“Yeah well, it doesn’t much matter now, does it?” I dry my cheeks with the back of my hand, trying to reel myself in.
“Says who?”
