AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“Hey.” Kam stops walking, turning to face me. “Look at me, El.” I look up and meet his hazel gaze, trying to commit every speckle of blue and green to my memory. “This summer has been the best. And when I say I’m going to miss you, I mean like every single day from now until June.” He grins down at me.
“You’re my best friend, ya know?” I say, trying not to get too emotional.
“And you’re mine.” He cups my face. “Butter bean and tater tot against the world.” He laughs at our ridiculous nick names for each other. “Forever.”
“Forever,” I repeat, not realizing in that moment how short our forever would turn out to be…
****
Present Day
I watch the rain as it hits the slick dark cherry wood surface and trickles off the side. It’s an endless cycle on repeat. Drops land, roll, then soak into the earth, one after the other, disappearing just as quickly as they come.
It’s easier to focus on the rain, on the sound it makes as it cascades from the sky and collides with the dirt. It’s easier to pretend that, like the rain, this too will pass. Only it won’t. Nothing can undo what’s been done. Nothing can bring him back.
Nothing…
I blink back the tears that threaten to spill. I can’t fall apart. I can’t give into the emotion suffocating me from the inside out. I can’t. If I do I may never find the strength to pull myself back together.
I turn my face upward and close my eyes, allowing the small pellets of water to pepper my face. It reminds me of the day that Kam and I danced in the rain. Cliché I know, but that’s just how Kamden was. He loved the simple, sweet things in life that only ever seem to happen in the movies. Like, well, dancing in the rain.
We were walking down the road to where his truck was parked after spending the day on the beach. It was the last summer before our senior year and Kam had spent nearly every day of that summer trying to teach me to surf. It wasn’t forecasted to rain that afternoon but that didn’t stop the sky from opening up and drenching us more than we already were.
I remember the way Kam laughed. How he tilted his head back and held his arms out, embracing the inevitability that there was no possible way we were going to outrun the storm. How he smiled when he turned to me and took my hand. The next thing I knew he was twirling me in the middle of the street.
I don’t think I’ve ever laughed as hard as I did that day. A day when I thought the world was perfect. A day when everything made sense.
Now I’m afraid nothing will ever make sense again.
I can’t make myself understand this. I can’t rationalize it. All I keep asking myself ishow. How do I live in a world that doesn’t have Kam in it? How can I go back to my life when he was such a monumental part of it? How will anything ever feel okay again?
“It just will, butter bean.” I can hear him as if he were standing right next to me. “You just have to put one foot in front of the other and push through.” It’s what he said to me after my mom died. In my mind I know he would say it to me again.
It was one of the hardest things I’d ever been through. For a teenage girl, losing your mom to breast cancer during your senior year is about one of the worst things that could happen. But like Kam said I would, I did get through it. Only then I had him to help me. And now…
I look down at the brace on my arm, trying to ignore the overwhelming guilt that comes with knowing what I’ve done. Only I can’t ignore it. I can’t pretend like I don’t know who’s to blame. I can’t pretend I’m not the reason my best friend is lying in a casket just feet in front of me.
Kam is gone and it’s all my fault.
“Elara.”
I look up when I hear my Aunt Carol next to me. She gives me a soft smile, one that reminds me too much of my mother which only makes my stomach knot harder. Maybe if I had my mom here, maybe if I hadn’t lost them both, maybe then this wouldn’t be so difficult. Only I know that’s not true. No one can fill the loss of Kam. No one.
I look away, not able to hold her gaze for more than a few seconds. Only then do I realize that most of those in attendance, including Kam’s parents, have already made their way back to their cars. Only a handful are still standing close by, having quiet conversations. Meanwhile, I feel stuck in place with my mind a million miles away.
I blink, the fog that settled around me the day of the accident only growing thicker with each moment that has passed since. The tightness in my chest grows heavier knowing that I have to leave him here. For a brief moment I wonder if I’m suffocating. I struggle to pull in even the slightest amount of air and the ground feels unsteady below my feet.
I sway slightly, feeling like I might vomit at any second but then every molecule in my body freezes the moment my gaze lands on a pair of dark eyes. I know who they belong to without even looking at his face. I’d know those eyes anywhere.
Kane.
Our gazes lock but I can’t tell if he’s staring at me or through me. His eyes are darker than I remember. His mouth set in a tight line, his face expressionless. He looks as empty as I feel and that thought alone is enough to have me taking my Aunt Carol’s hand in an effort to steady my too weak legs.
I don’t really know Kane. He spent four years in Illinois and has travelled quite extensively since he graduated college a couple years ago. Hell, I’ve only met him once in the seven years Kam and I have been friends and that was at Kam’s high school graduation party about four years ago. And even then he wasn’t very friendly.
I remember the way his eyes seemed to follow me everywhere that night. How I felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin every time I’d catch his gaze across the yard. To say he put me on edge is putting it mildly.
Not only is he intimidating as hell, he’s also one of the most attractive men I’ve ever seen up close. He possesses all of the same physical qualities as Kam–strong jaw, full lips, thick dark hair. Only unlike Kam who was flirtatious and fun loving, Kane is all hard lines with a deep expression that makes him look permanently put off. Which of course only adds to his intrigue.
