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“You about ready, El?” Kane calls from the living room.
“Be right there,” I holler back, throwing another outfit into my bag.
We’ve been in Italy for six days now and while I was apprehensive about all of it, most of all our sleeping arrangement, it’s actually been quite nice. Kane has been nothing short of amazing and thus far my time here has been life changing.
Every morning after Kane leaves for work, I head out on an adventure, exploring a part of this beautiful city. The days are for me, the nights I spend with Kane. He’s taken me to a new restaurant every evening since we arrived. He’s been teaching me about the different foods and even managed to get me to order something other than spaghetti.
And now, like he promised, he’s taking me to Manarola for three days. To say I’m over the moon would be the understatement of the year. I haven’t felt this excited about anything since the accident and to know I’m still capable of feeling this kind of happiness gives me hope that maybe my future is not as bleak as I once thought.
Of course that excitement might have quite a lot to do with the man whose eyes I meet as I walk into the living room, trying to not act like the giddy smitten teenager I feel like anytime I look at his gorgeous face.
I mean seriously, it should be a crime to be as good looking as Kane is. He’s perfection. From his thick brown hair, to his breathtaking dark eyes, to that knee weakening smile, and body that screamsplaster me on every magazine in the world, it’s all I can do to keep a clear head and not completely lose it–which I’ve nearly done more than once this week. Especially when he walked out of the bathroom two mornings ago in nothing but gym shorts, giving me my first real taste of what is hiding underneath his clothes.
Dear lord, I couldn’t bear to look at him for more than a second for fear drool would start pooling out of my mouth. It’s not just his looks, either. Sure, he’s still serious most of the time, and intimidating as hell. But I’m also finding he’s really quite sweet, thoughtful, and does an amazing job of making me smile nearly every time I’m with him.
Things have changed between us over the past few days too. Slowly, we’ve settled into some semblance of friendship, though I can’t say it’s like any friendship I’ve had before. Because deep down I don’t want to be his friend. I want to be something much more.
It’s not lost on me that this was how I felt about his brother. Then again, I was able to be Kam’s friend despite my feelings. For seven years I stood by and watched as he dated other girls, never taking my chance. But for whatever reason, this thing with Kane feels different. As in I can’t imagine watching him date other women or only ever being his friend, which leaves me feeling both confused and guilty.
Guilty that I waited so long to tell Kam how I felt when I’m already fighting back the urge to tell Kane that I’m attracted to him. Confused because if I can’t see myself just being his friend then what the hell am I doing here?
Kane has given me no reason to believe he feels anything even similar to how I feel. Then again, maybe that’s not entirely true.
I catch him staring at me sometimes. Not in a normal way you might look at someone that’s your friend, either. But in a way that makes my skin feel like it’s been touched by a live wire. And it’s in those moments I find it the hardest not to launch myself at him.
How did I get here?
How after just a week is he already under my skin so deeply that I can’t seem to shake him?
I came here to find myself. Instead what I’m finding is that Kane Thaler is even more irresistible than his brother. And there it is… Guilt.
“You good?” Kane brings my attention up to him and only then do I realize I’ve been standing here for several moments without saying or doing anything.
“Yeah, sorry. Just running through my mental check list to make sure I have everything I need,” I lie.
“Well, if you happen to forget anything, we can always stop somewhere.” He crosses the small space toward me and takes my duffel bag from my shoulder, sliding it on to his.
See what I mean…Sweet.
“We really should get going. I’d like to get there early to avoid traffic if at all possible.”
“Okay.” I nod, glancing around the space before turning my attention back to him. “I think I’m ready,” I hesitate, actually going through the check list in my head this time.
“You sure?” He chuckles.
“Yes.” I meet his gaze and smile. “Let’s go.”
****
Kane rented a car for our trip to Manarola. A medium size semi-sporty car. A Renault Captur. Something I had never heard of or seen before today.
We’re about half way through our drive, windows down, soft music playing on the radio, when I feel Kane’s eyes on me for probably the hundredth time. I shift in my seat, keeping my eyes glued out the windshield.
“I’m really glad you decided to come on this trip with me,” his voice low. Then out of nowhere his hand touches mine.
I jump slightly before looking down to where he turns my palm upright, sliding his fingers in between mine, entwining them. Staring at our hands that are now joined, I make no attempt to pull mine away. Looking from our hands to Kane, I’m graced by a small grin on his face, his eyes never leaving the road.
“Yeah…” I stutter, remembering what he said before his touch wiped everything else from my mind. “Me too.” I look back down at where are hands are, my heart doing something funny in my chest while my stomach feels like it has hollowed out into an enormous open pit.
