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“I thought you were coming home two weeks ago,” Aunt Carol says as I stretch out on the couch, phone to my ear.
We’ve been in Italy a total of six weeks now. I was packed, dreading the trip home, and feeling quite emotional that our time here was coming to an end when Kane walked in and announced he got extended.
At first I wasn’t sure what that meant for me but directly after telling me his contract was given another four weeks, the next thing he did was ask me to stay. Of course I said yes and then we ended up making love on the tiny kitchen floor.
I think it’s safe to say we’ve made good use of the small space. Honestly, I think I’m gonna miss our tiny little apartment when we leave. It’s been like a dream being here with Kane. And even though I know we still have two more weeks, I’m not ready for it to be over.
“We were supposed to but Kane got a four week extension,” I answer, refocusing on the current conversation.
“And you decided to stay?” she questions.
“I did.”
“And?”
“And what?” I question.
“Elara Rose, don’t you play games with me. Tell me everything. I haven’t spoken to you in weeks.”
“I talked to you last week,” I remind her.
“Yes buthewas there and you couldn’t speak freely. Is he there now?”
“No, he won’t be home for at least an hour or two.”
“Perfect. Now spill.”
“There’s not a whole lot to tell,” I start, not knowing why I bother. Aunt Carol knows me well enough to sense the ridiculous smile I’m wearing as I say it.
“Uh huh.” She waits before adding, “Now tell me the truth.”
I spend the next twenty minutes pretty much telling her every single detail of the last six weeks. Six of the best weeks of my entire life. I don’t leave anything out. When I say I tell her everything I meaneverything.Right down to the incredible sex that happens daily, if not multiple times a day.
Half way through my rambling, I close my eyes and imagine it’s my mom I’m talking to. I wonder how she’d respond. What she would say over how insanely happy Kane makes me. Would she approve? Would she think it’s too much too fast? Or would she respond the same as her sister? Supportive and happy for me.
I’m certain it would be the latter…or at least that’s what I choose to believe.
“It sounds like a dream.” Carol cuts into my thoughts and I realize tears have formed behind my eyes.
“It is.” I sit up, shaking off the heavy feeling suddenly sitting on my shoulders. “He is a dream, Carol. I can’t even begin to explain it.”
“I’m so happy for you, El. You deserve to be happy. My sweet girl. You’ve lost so much. I know I don’t need to remind you of this. But there is one thing I have to ask.”
“Then ask,” I prompt.
She pauses for several long beats, before continuing, “Please don’t take this the wrong way, but do you think your feelings for Kane have anything to do with the fact that he’s Kam’s brother?”
And there it is, the one question I asked myself the first two weeks we were here–convincing my attraction to him had everything to do with Kam only to learn it had absolutely nothing to do with him and everything to do with Kane.
“I came on this trip because he was Kam’s brother. Because I felt like if anyone could understand my pain it was him. Because he made me feel closer to Kam. But Carol, this isn’t about Kam anymore. This is about me and Kane and what he makes me feel. I can’t explain it. I can’t even try to put into words the emotions that overtake me every time he walks in the front door and hits me with that lopsided grin of his. I swear I feel like my heart nearly beats out of my chest when he looks at me a certain way. No one has ever made me feel that way. Not even Kam.”
“I just had to ask,” she offers softly. “But it sounds like you know what you’re doing.”
“Well I don’t know if I’d go that far.” I laugh. “But when it comes to Kane I’ve never been more certain of anything.”
“I just worry about you is all.”
“You don’t need to. I’m happy. God, I’m insanely happy. And while yes, some of that happiness is overshadowed by everything that’s happened in the last few months, it’s still there. I didn’t think I could feel this way again. I just wish I could shake the guilt I feel knowing that I do,” I admit.
