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“I guess I get that,” I say, my mind drifting back to Kane. “For the record, I’m happy for you. I would’ve been happy for you six months ago too. I just want you to be happy, Dad. Always.”
“I know, baby. I know you do. Maybe after you’re feeling better and all this passes, we could get together for dinner; me, you, and Lynette.”
“I’d like that.” I smile, feeling so many different emotions I’m not sure I have a real grasp on any of them.
“And as far as Kane’s concerned, you need to give that man a little more credit. It’s clear to see he’s in love with you. I don’t think you’re going to be able to get rid of him so easy.”
“I don’t know.” I blow out a slow breath. “You didn’t see the way he looked at me when I told him about the day Kam died.” I instantly tear up at the thought.
“I’m sure listening to you tell him what really happened that day was not easy on him. Put yourself in his shoes, honey. He lost his brother. He lost his unborn child. And then sat here and listened to the woman he loves tell him about his brother’s final moments. He’s not upset with you, honey. He’s hurting for you. He’s hurting with you.”
“He talked to you, didn’t he?” I ask, shame and regret hitting me so hard it’s a wonder I manage to hold my head up high and meet my father’s gaze.
“A little.” He nods. “That man out there loves you. Don’t push him away because you’re scared of losing him. Hold him closer because you don’t want to lose him. Things happen. People get sick. People get hurt. People die. Nothing is guaranteed. All you can do is love with your whole heart while god gives you the ability to do so.”
“What if I’m not worthy of his love?” I blink back fresh tears that pool in my eyes.
“You are worth that and so much more. Don’t ever question that.”
“You have to say that because you’re my father,” I point out, swiping at my cheeks.
“No, I have to tell you the truth because I’m your father. And that, my dear, is about as honest as it comes.”
“Thanks, Dad.” I force a smile.
“I love you, Elara Rose. You are the one thing in this world that I will always be proud of. No matter what.”
“I love you too,” I say as he presses his lips against my forehead.
“The doctor said you should be released in a couple of days.” He straightens his broad frame so he’s looking down at me. “I think you should go back to Carol’s.”
“Dad,” I start to object.
“Arkansas isn’t your home. Not anymore. I know you only came back because you were running away from the memory of Kamden, and because I missed you terribly I selfishly let you do it. But honey, North Carolina is where you belong. You know that as well as I do.”
“But all my stuff.”
“Will be waiting there for you when you get there,” he cuts me off. “I’ve already spoken to Carol. She’s taking care of getting all your stuff to her house for when you’re released.”
“Dad,” I start but he once again cuts me off.
“Whatever wall you’re trying to build between you and Kane, knock it down. Don’t shut him out. I know this happened to you, but honey, it happened to him too. Let him mourn the loss of his child with you. Let him mourn his brother with you. Because whatever pain you’re feeling, I can tell you from experience, he’s probably feeling it just as strong. Don’t let your anger and guilt get in the way of a chance to be happy. You deserve to be happy, my sweet girl. Your mother would want that for you. Kam would want that for you. And before you even think about arguing with me, just think about that for a moment and you’ll know I’m right.”
“Learned a few of mom’s tricks along the way I see.” I smile, this time the action coming naturally as I think about my mom and all the things she would say if she were here.
“She may have taught me a thing or two.” My dad’s smile matches my own but fades almost as quickly as it appeared.
“I miss her,” I say.
“Me too.” His brown eyes lock on mine and the emotion there damn near rips me in two. “But she’s still here. I see her every single time I look at you.” He lifts my hand and kisses my knuckles. “Get some rest,” he says, likely noticing the way my eyes keep fluttering closed and how hard I have to work to force them back open.
I don’t know if it’s the medication or that my body is simply exhausted but I haven’t been able to stay awake for more than a few minutes at a time since I came out of surgery nearly twenty-four hours ago.
“Dad,” I call out right as he reaches the door. I wait until he’s turned toward me before continuing. “I’m so lucky to have you as my dad.”
“I’m even luckier to have you as my daughter.” He smiles and slips out the door without another word.
