AllFreeNovel
Share Us
“I’m not pretending anything,” I bite, letting my anger take the lead.
“You’re not convincing anyone, Elara.”
“If this is because you don’t want to be with me, at least have the fucking courage to say so.” I try to fight back the tears that well behind my eyes but within seconds they are streaking down my cheeks.
“Idowant to be with you.” His voice gets louder and I can tell he’s fighting to keep himself together. “Jesus, Elara. Have you not been listening to a single thing I’ve been saying to you for weeks? You think this is easy for me? That I would, that Icouldwalk in here and drop you and walk away like it was nothing?” He runs a hand through his hair in frustration. “Fuck!”
“I don’t know what you want from me. Kane. You want to be with me. You don’t want to be with me. Honestly at this point I can’t keep up.”
“I love you.” He steps up directly in front of me, his hands on my biceps, his dark eyes boring into mine. “Do you hear me, Elara? I love you,” he repeats more forcefully. “I’m not walking away from you because I want to or because I’m scared. I’m giving you some time to deal with something you should have dealt with a long time ago. I’m not Kam, babe. I can’t be his replacement. And until you let him go, I’m always going to feel like I am.”
“I never tried to replace Kam. I didn’t want this.” I gesture between us. “I didn’t set out with the intention of this becoming anything. But it did, Kane. Every second I spent with you I fell a little harder, and not because of Kam. But because of you. I fell in love with you, Kane. Not because you’re a replacement for your brother but because you’re you. Can’t you see that? My feelings for you have nothing to do with Kamden.”
“I hear what you’re saying, Elara. And babe, I can tell you want to believe it. But I think deep down you know I’m right. Maybe I’m not a replacement for my brother, but he still exists between us. Because you refuse to let him go. I didn’t see it until two nights ago. Watching your face as you told me about that day is probably one of the hardest things I’ve ever witnessed. And not just because he was my brother. Because it made me realize that this isn’t with me at all.” He lays his palm flat against my chest. “It’s still with him.”
“Kane,” I start, but don’t get in another word before he cuts in.
“I can’t compete with a ghost, Elara.”
“You don’t have to.” My tears stream down my face, panic seizing through my body as I feel my desperation grow. “Please. You told me you’d move heaven and earth to be with me,” I remind him.
“I will. But you have to be willing to do the same for me.”
“Kane. Please don’t do this. Please, I need you.” My body gives out at the weight of what I know he’s telling me and it’s more than I can take.
“I know you do.” He cups my cheek, tears swimming behind his eyes. “And I need you. I need you like I’ve never needed another person in my entire life. You are it for me, Elara. You’re all I want. And because of that I have to do what’s right for us right now. I can’t lose you down the road because there was too much left unresolved. You need to find a way to say goodbye to Kam, Elara. And baby, so do I.” He drops his forehead to mine. “Walking out that door will be the hardest thing I’ve ever done in my entire life.”
“Then don’t do it,” I whisper, my fingers gripping his shirt.
“You know I have to.” He pulls back, a tear sliding past his thick lashes onto his cheek. “One day, Elara Rose Menton, I’m going to give you everything you deserve. Love, happiness, a family. All of it. I’m going to give you everything. You will get my everything. Do you hear me?” He tips my chin up and forces me to meet his gaze. “We’ve lost so much. We both need this. You know I’m right.”
“Is this because I lost the baby?” The instant I ask him, I know it was the wrong thing to say.
“Elara, look at me.” His hands are on my face, forcing my gaze to his. “What happened here was beyond either of our control. I don’t blame you for this.I don’t. There’s nothing you could have done.” He lets out a slow exhale.
“I know,” I admit, knowing he’s right. There’s not one single thing I could have done.
“You need time to sort through all of this. I need some time too. But that doesn’t change the way I feel about you, Elara. Not for one single second. This is fucking killing me.”
“It’s killing me too,” I whisper, an eerie calm settling down around me.
“But you know I’m right,” his voice is soft.
“I do,” I admit, feeling my heart shoot apart in a hundred different directions.
“When you’re ready, you know where to find me. But not a moment sooner. When you walk back into my life I want to know it’s forever. Promise me.” He wipes my cheeks with the pads of his thumbs.
“I promise,” I manage to choke out.
“Thank you.” It’s the last thing he says before brushing his lips against mine.
I close my eyes tightly and relish in the feel of him, in the smell of him, in the knowledge that this is all I will get. It’s the briefest moment of contact before I feel him step away.
I hear his feet against the tile floor and the distinct sound of the door opening but I can’t open my eyes and watch him walk away, knowing that if I do there’s no way I’ll ever let him leave.
