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“I never wanted this to happen.”
“I know you didn’t. And I don’t blame you that it did. It was on me. I was drunk. I pushed myself at you. If you were still mine I would have done the same thing to anyone stupid enough to put his hands on you.”
“You were drunk. And way out of line. But people step out of line every day. You didn’t deserve to end up here because of it.”
“I don’t know.” He shrugs. “Maybe I did.” He pats the mattress and for reasons I don’t fully understand, I close the distance between us and take a seat at the foot of his bed, angling myself to face him. “I’ve done some messed up shit, Len. I’ve hurt you in ways I never wanted to hurt you. I was selfish and scared, and I acted out because of it. I never dreamed it would all blow back on me the way it did. But despite everything, I really did love you. Hell, I still do.”
“Gage.” He holds up a hand to stop me.
“I knew you’d come. I knew you’d come because that’s just who you are. You care about people. Even when you shouldn’t. That’s one of the many things I love about you. You wanted to make sure I was okay even though I don’t deserve it.” He’s so sure of this. Of something I wasn’t even sure of until minutes ago when I found myself outside of the hospital.
“And are you? Okay I mean.”
“I will be.” He offers me a small smile that doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Doctor said I should be released later this afternoon.”
“That’s good news.”
“I’m sorry, Lennon. I’m sorry for everything I put you through. I’m sorry for the cheating and the lies. I’m sorry for how I handled everything that came after. I’m just fucking sorry. I want you to know I’m done. I’m done hurting you. You deserve so much more than I’ve given you and it’s time I step aside and let you find that happiness. Even if it’s not with me.”
“How hard did he hit you?” I joke, wondering who the hell the man sitting in front of me is. It’s like Hudson knocked some actual sense into him.
My stomach churns at the thought of Hudson.
“Pretty fucking hard.” He chuckles, gesturing to his face again.
“Why didn’t you press charges?” I ask, though I’m pretty certain I already know the answer.
“I wish I could tell you I’m not someone swayed by money, but that simply wouldn’t be the truth. After the marathon your boyfriend did on my face, I wasn’t the least bit sorry to take every penny they offered me. But, between you and me, I wasn’t going to press charges anyway.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t want to hurt you any more than I already have. I know it’s too little way too fucking late but I’m hoping one day you can find it in your heart to forgive me.”
“Gage.”
“I know what we had is over. I know. I’m not asking for that kind of forgiveness.”
“So no more?” I question, feeling like this might be too good to be true.
“I’ll leave you alone, Lennon. You have my word on that. I know my word doesn’t mean shit to you but I’d like the opportunity to change that.”
“I’m sorry everything turned out so messed up.” My chest tightens.
“Me too.”
“So I guess this is goodbye then?” I look at my lap where my hands are knotted before finally meeting his gaze again.
“Looks like it.” He nods.
He reaches over, grimacing as he does, and pats the back of my hand twice before shifting against the stack of pillows behind him.
“Take care of yourself, Gage,” I say, slowly standing.
“You too, Lennon.” He turns his head toward the blind drawn windows and if I didn’t know any better I’d swear I saw tears swimming in his eyes as he did.
Deciding I got what I came here for, I turn and exit the room.
Not really sure how to feel about what just happened, I run it over in my head at least a dozen times as I make my way out of the hospital and to my car.
