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“There’s nothing to hash out, Thad. You made that pretty clear. We agreed to sex only. No commitment. No attachment. Which means you can fuck Bianca or whoever the hell else you want and I can’t say a word about it. That about cover it?” I cross my arms over my chest, fighting the urge to cry with everything I have.
“You’re the one who pursued me.”
“So we’ve already established,” I say sarcastically. “Is that why you rushed home after me? To really drive your point home? Jesus, Thad! What the hell do you want from me right now?”
“To know what you want from me,” he says, his voice coming out calmer, more in control.
“Nothing, Thad. I wantnothingfrom you.”
“If that were true you wouldn’t be so upset right now.”
“Just add it to the list of things I fucked up,” I burst out, starting to lose what little control I still have left.
“What do you want from me, Laken?” he asks again.
“I already told you. Nothing.”
“What do you want from me?” he continues to push.
“Thad.”
“What do you want from me?”
“You! Okay!” I scream, the small string holding me together finally snapping under the weight of his assault. “I wantyou.” I swipe angrily at a tear that slides down my cheek, not sure if I’m more upset with him or myself right now.
“We agreed.”
“You can’t give me more. Yes, I know. You’ve made that crystal clear. But it doesn’t matter, Thad. I still want you. I can’t shut that off.”
“You don’t want someone like me, Laken.”
“Don’t. Don’t you dare do that.” I swipe at another tear. “I’m in love with you,” I confess, more tears falling in quick succession.
The look on his face delivers the final blow. A mix between pity and anger. Neither of which says he feels the same way. I think it’s pretty clear he doesn’t.
All this time I was reading so much into everything. Every touch. Every kiss. Every moment we spent together. I had convinced myself it meant something and not just to me. It’s apparent now that I couldn’t have been more wrong.
“I’m sorry.”
“I just told you I’m in love with you and your response is ‘I’m sorry’?” Heartbreak instantly morphs to anger.
“I don’t know what else to say.” His words are dripping with defeat like I’m the one that told him I don’t love him back and not the other way around.
“You don’t have to say anything. I’ll be gone in a week and you’ll never have to see me again.”
“That’s not what I want,” he starts.
“Isn’t it?” I cut him off. “Fuck you, Thad. Fuck you for playing with my emotions. Fuck you for making me think this was something more. Just fuck you.” I turn, stopping dead in my tracks when I see Ben and Beth standing a few feet away, shock and surprise so evident on their faces there’s no doubt in my mind that they didn’t hear every word that I said.
“Don’t say a fucking word,” I scream in Ben’s direction, pretty sure I’ve never used theFword so much in my life as I have in the last two minutes.
Not able to stand here a moment longer, I take off toward the house, my shoulder bumping into Ben’s as I pass.
I don’t turn around as I run up the back steps and disappear inside, desperate to get the hell away from everyone and everything.
I take the stairs two at a time and duck into my bedroom moments later, my hands shaking and my stomach so twisted up I wonder if I might be sick.
With my back to the door, I try to focus on my breathing. On pulling air in and out of my lungs in an effort to keep myself from completely falling apart. It works for all of ten seconds before I dissolve into a puddle of tears on the floor.
