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Chapter Twenty-four
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“You about ready?” Chrisappears in the doorway of my bedroom, resting his shoulder against the door jam.
“I think so.” I force a smile, zipping up the suitcase sitting on top of my bed.
“You nervous?” he asks.
“More anxious.”
“You’re gonna be amazing,” he reassures me, crossing into the room to retrieve my duffel bag off the floor before grabbing the suitcase I just finished packing.
“Thanks, Chris.”
I slide my carryon bag onto my shoulders and follow him from the room, not sure if I’m more or less ready to leave than I was yesterday.
Things haven’t been easy these past few days. Seeing Thad every day has been like taking a knife and reopening the same wound over and over again. I never dreamed that being close to him and not being able to talk to him or touch him would hurt so bad. I think deep down I had convinced myself that if I wanted to be with him I could be. Regardless if we could have actually made it work or not, having the option offered me some kind of peace.
Now, having that ripped away, having to be forced to face the reality that the man I love does not love me, is like living in my own personal hell.
Nothing feels right anymore and no matter how hard I try, I can’t get rid of the sick feeling that has haunted me since that night of the bonfire.
I’m pretty sure I’ve just been acting on autopilot since then. Smiling at the appropriate times, speaking when spoken to, here but not actually here at the same time.
I’ve never wanted to leave a place so bad yet also stay so much in my life. On one hand I feel like getting away from here is the only thing that will set me free, yet leaving makes me feel like my heart is breaking all over again. Because leaving is admitting that it really is over and no matter how clear Thad has made that point, I think a part of me has been holding on to some small glimmer of hope that deep down he feels the same way.
I’m pretty quiet on the car ride to the airport. After saying goodbye to my family, I don’t really have it in me to do much more. I feel mentally and emotionally drained. Pissed at myself that as we drove away I couldn’t stop looking at the camper in the rearview mirror until it disappeared from view.
Memory after memory flooded my vision as Chris drove down the long gravel driveway leading away from the house. The first time I saw Thad in the kitchen. The way he would smile at me. The way he used to touch me. The way he used to kiss me. Memories of a life that feels so far away from where I am now.
You would think I’d be happier. Here I am getting ready to get on a plane and fly to North Carolina to live out my dream. And yet somehow none of it seems that important anymore. How can one person and a few short weeks change your life so much?
“Laken,” Chris snaps me from my thoughts and I look up to see that we’re parked in the drop off lane of the airport. “You gonna get out or sit here until you miss your plane?” He smirks.
“Sorry.” I shake my head and smile. “I guess I’m a bit preoccupied.”
“You don’t say?” he questions sarcastically.
“Shut it, big brother.” I smack him lightly across the chest.
“I’m gonna miss the hell out of you, you know that?”
“I’m gonna miss you too,” I tell him truthfully. “You should come out one weekend soon. Visit the set. Meet some of the cast. I bet you’d get a kick out of it.”
“I think I’d like that.”
“Good.” I pull the car door open and step out. “You just tell me when and I’ll make the arrangements.”
“Miss Money Bags. Got herself a real paying acting job and now thinks she’s hot stuff.”
Snapping up my middle finger, I give him ascrew yousmile before stepping out of the way of the door and slamming it closed. Chris is out of the vehicle within seconds and joins me at the back. Popping open the tailgate, he pulls my three pieces of luggage out and sets them at my feet.
“For what it’s worth, I think he really does care about you.” His words slice me open like a sharp blade.
“It doesn’t matter now,” I tell him, throwing my carryon over my shoulder before lifting the duffel on top of it and grabbing the rolling handle of my suitcase, purposely not meeting his gaze.
“He’s had me go to three meetings with him this past week, Lake. He may act like he doesn’t care but something tells me he cares a hell of a lot more than he wants anyone to know.”
